crash and burn

it's funny how the week started so badly. last week i was all positive. positive about christmas. about home. about orthopaedics. about exams. like i keep telling myself i can do all these. i know i can. and i know i will. just somehow, things started to head for the worse.

i have never once felt like this in a long time coming. the last i ever felt this way was when i was in imu bukit jalil. and it wasn't very pleasant because i was crying all the time literally. i was crying before i go to sleep. crying before class starts. crying even during class. and i wished i hadn't set foot into medical school.

this is that one time after a very long while. i wished i didn't have to go back to where i was then ever again. all that working so hard at each step along the way feels like its falling apart at this very moment.

just the other day i was flying back to kl. the captain said that there were some technical errors and they had to fix it before we could take off. and when it did, i wished so badly it would come crashing down and burn. i don't know why. but i wished it were me on those everyday news that we see on television.

the movies!

i realized i haven't done a movie review in a long, long, LOOOOONNNGGG time. all i did was whine and complain about my horrifying life and all those that revolved around it. ok, and maybe at times i shriek for all the good things that has happened so far.

so anyways, life has been good so far. but not today. because i made sasha cry. and i almost got into a major accident on the highway yesterday. sighs. put those aside, and i had a lot of wonderful times the days before.

diwali night was fun. danced bhangra for the first time! i always say you need to have that bit of indian blood to do an indian dance. those hip shaking movesss!! seriously. haha. all that hard work and practice for hoursss! all paid off :)



and next week i have a christmas performance coming up. it never stops does it? the thing with all this is that i really enjoy doing them. i love performing. now that i think of it, maybe i should've gone into music instead. sighs. ok, i love medicine too. damn it.

michael jackson's "this is it" was really good i must say. if you're a mj fan, i'd say go for it! because i loved it. i'm not one of those huge, crazy, obsessed fan, but i love his music. and really, that's all that matters. it's weird to see people sitting down so still in the cinema here in penang when i'm like groovin and dancin to every song! people were starting to think that i may be a tad psychotic. but i don't care! i love it anyways. "the way you make me feel", "thriller", "man in the mirror", "black or white" were all really good! and there's so much more respect for him after seeing him in person like this. really. truly a pop icon, a music genius :)


and you can never expect me to miss out new moon, can you? LOL. new moon is just A-W-E-S-O-M-E! yeah, sundar and ho wai have no taste honestly. i mean sure, it looked as though bella's some two-timer, but i don't care lah! all that matters is edward. and bloody hell, taylor lautner (as someone put it, i forgot who) should remain shirtless ALL THE TIME! lol. when he took off his shirt, i swear any girls' hormones could've raged up and down! honestly, i wasn't very impressed with rob patt. he was just ok. kristen stewart was good. but taylor lautner did a really good job. i felt really depressed over all that issue between him and bella. so yeah. and of course the other veterans like charlie and carlisle are always good. you've gotta give chris weitz that credit for being so faithful to the book. script wise, it was better than the first. every important detail was in. loved it lah anyway!! :)


and oh! i am satisfied with my results. although i failed my paeds paper (totally saw it coming). i love obs and gyn even more now :) but i have to credit this to that pig i know. lol. thank you :) from the bottom of my heart. :)

ok, work time! totally wasted today. i shall stop whining. and start doing something productive. toodles!

lifted

i think i finally feel a lot lighter. less heavy. less burdened.

i didn't think i could ever do it. i didn't think i was ever brave enough to stand up for what i wanted, and what i believed in. and i never dared to stand up for the person i am.

but now i did it. and now i am a lot happier. less whiny. more fun :)

i won't always get it right the first time, as mich says it always. i need to fall before i know where i stand and what i want.

i hope i'm getting there too :)

anyways, there's this empty place in my heart again. sooi phing finally graduated. going back to penang. one less place to stay in kl. sigh. which means less time or none at all in kl. GASP! I WANNA DIE. i miss all the things we did back then when we first started out there. those crazy stuff. and all that shopping and eating and exploring. wished things would be that simple forever.

new moon's coming out tomorrow in malaysia! i hope i get to see it :) here in seremban! god damn it. they better play it or seremban can diieeeee!! growls.

i don't like psychiatry. NOT bcos i feel like i'm part of them. LOL. but because i keep trying to want them be normal. just give me the correct answer god damn it. but that's just the way they are. so i'm still trying to tune in to them :(

going home this thursday :) with pei. looking forward to it. but first, NEW MOOOONNN!!

:)

i am smiling like an idiot now. i truly TRULY LOVE today. YOU and YOU made my day.

you know who you are :)

thank you so much for everything. i needed this. it's been a long while since i've been genuinely happy. like today.

we have forever :D

psycho?

maybe after psychiatry i'd be able to diagnose what i have.

obs ended. extremely and utterly sad. because i realise i love it so much. SO VERY MUCH. my favourite posting, even way better than paeds.

exams did not go well at all. i know this is becoming a routine. me complaining how bad it is. but i just know it that this time i have failed 2 papers. i know i did. so don't. DON'T. just leave me alone.

weekend back home was great. stopped by ipoh for chicken hor fun and salted chicken and 10 boxes of funny mountain! :) and a whole lot of singing on the way I GOTTA FEELING!! lol. and AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME. and the weirdest thing was both songs played again while we were on our back from penang. TOTALLY WEIRD.

today's first day of psych. i feel...empty. i feel... useless. i guess obs pushed me so much that i didn't even realise i could do so much. so i guess that sudden feeling of doing nothing really made me feel lost. psych seems pretty relaxed alright. but i have so much at hand.

research papers. fucked up with the time. sorry for the language but i can't help it.

ims. coming soon. and with people i'm not very fond of working with. i don't really care.

eos 7 looming in. i don't know. i just want to pass. and be happy. and to go to Edinburgh.

and so many other things to figure out. if this is all i want. if this is really enough for me. if this is what i'm searching for. and i don't have much time. i can't keep doing this. it hurts me. it hurts everyone.

if only time would lay still. and the world lies frozen in time. in that empty silence.

i only want to be happy

i didn't think i would ever say this. BUT.

i think i really enjoyed my obs posting. i mean a lot of people have said that before. i just never thought i'd be feeling the same way about it too. if they hadn't give me a hard time, i think it would be a really, really good posting for me.

i really do enjoy my whole labour room week. because for once in my life, or in my entire med school life, i feel USEFUL. i feel like i could actually DO SOMETHING. like now i know how to deliver a placenta, how to examine it, how to examine a neonate, how to deliver a baby, how to perform female catheterization (it's really really easy and cool!) and i've done so many vaginal examinations although you need to pardon my extremely short fingers cos i was not congenitally born to be an obstetrician aherm. so yes, i've learnt so much from that 1 week that when it ended, i was almost depressed. and i have so many doctors to be thankful for. so thank you :)

sigh. all i really want, is to have this posting to end in a good way. i mean, to end in a favourable, likeable, happy way. because i was so depressed with how my favourite paeds posting ended. i just don't want that for this. i mean i'm trying really hard. i'm really giving it my best. although i still feel like i haven't grasped things really well yet, but i really am trying. when will it ever be enough, i don't know.

anyways, next week is exam week. i know that there's a reason for everything that has happened. just, please, God, be with me. i've never asked for anything much, but just this once, please let me be happy. do i not deserve every right to be?

Another Week, Another Weekend

i did my first placenta delivery today! :) and examined it myself :) with dr shirley. too bad dr edwin wasn't there otherwise i'm sure he'd be telling me about a lot of stuff. nonetheless, i did it :) that warm gush of blood that spilled onto my hands!! ooohh!! the placenta is really soft and slimey and gooey (as ho wai puts it). it feels really good to be able to do something. i think obs is the one posting where i have over 30 entries of procedures in my logbook :)

as much as a i love the weekends, there's this part of me that doesn't really quite like it. i mean there is absolutely no valid reason why one shouldn't like the weekend because that's when you rewind and relax and just chill. but. here in seremban, 80% of us leave this damned place for home because theirs is 45 mins away. while mine is 5 hours away. if i had all the money in the world, i would take the flight back every weekend. if only. it just feels really empty here when all is gone. like as if it isn't bad enough that i know seremban is really not exactly that lively, they all have to leave while i just envy everyone in silence and cry and wished i could so easily drive home every weekend too. this is the part when i miss mummy and daddy. and that place called home. if only it wasn't that far away. i think i am just that kind of person who never wants to feel lonely.

the whole week just went by in a snap. i've done so many things. seen so many things. seen my first caesarean section. and then a second for a breech presentation. REALLY COOL. she literally pulled the whole uterus out, together with the fallopian tubesss!! :S and i did my first female catheterization thanks to dr edwin :) and i assisted in a delivery. watched so many episiotomies being done. and repair of tears. sutures. setting of iv lines. observing amniotomy. epidural anaesthesia!! ALL IN A WEEK. very productive and happy. wished it didn't have to end :(

next week is hell. and so is the following week. i don't want to know. i'm scared. i just want to go home and escape all of these.

i wished i didn't have so much on my mind. i just wished i could concentrate on one thing. things just doesn't get any better.

if only i knew what i want. if only i knew what he wants.

i miss mich too. :(

EDINBURGHHH!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMGOMOGMOGMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMGOMO!!!!!

IM GOING TO EDINBURGH NEXT JULY!!! SO EXCITEDDDDD!!!

fuhhh! i finally got my letter :) i have never felt any more elated in my life! (ok other than finding out that the guy whom i like likes me back too but thats beside the point)

yes! i can't wait to go. i can't wait to book my flight and get my accomodation. i can't wait to get my visa done. i can't wait to see the world!!! :)

and yesss! i can't wait to go with him! :)

Mad

one word to describe the week.

one word to rule it all.

EXHAUSTED LAHHH!! (ok, that's 2 but whatever)

growls!

i've never been so lifeless honestly. last week was all work and no fun. getting up at 6 am. be in the ward by 630 am. on-call every night. from 7 to 11pm. clerking 7 patients per day. i feel so mechanical already.

my pimples keep springing up like like flowers in summer. rolls eyes. i am now embarrassed to even look up. its amazing what 4 fugly red bumps can do to your self-esteem.

i'm tired. i need to recuperate. breathe. and then learn how to live again.

and we've been doing good :) so far. *hearts* him :)

Too Tired To Try

i'm tired of lifting my hopes up high just to have it crumble down on me

i'm tired of wanting things so badly that i'm wasting my time just thinking about it

i'm tired of trying and trying only to end up being nowhere

i'm tired of keeping faith and then losing it all over again

i'm tired of having to pick myself up and look at the world around me again

i'm tired of trying to prove the things i want to prove only to let them see that i can't do it

i'm tired of crying

i'm tired of pushing

i'm tired of everything!

And Counting...

yesterday was 3 months.

92 days to be exact.

next tuesday is a 100 days :)

i don't know how to tell you that i'd love for you to remember it.

i am only a girl afterall.

but i want to live through it with you.

and i know we will survive ♥

All Over Again

and again. it's the same.

paediatrics posting ended. didn't feel like 5 weeks.

loved every minute of it.

exam didn't turn out good.

prof didn't make it any easier.

wished it didn't feel the same like it did 6 weeks ago.

So You Think You're So Tough?

if you can be selfish. so can i. i deserve every right to be.

it's ok. i'm used to having people push me around. but it's fine.

i will do it. i will get through it.

and then you can tell the whole world what i did.

suck that.

Work and Work. Oh Groans!

kar how made fun of my blog the other day. He said huifang no longer comments on my chatbox and no one else comments on it too because i've been terribly emotional that they no longer know what to tell or say to me. LOL. FUNNNYYYYY!

anyways that was random.

one week back in penang and i've been hit by some gross bugs. the diarrhea bug, the soarthroat bug and the flu bug. must be the laksa. and must be the H1N1 kids i play with in the wards. lol. yes, stay away from me :D

other than being sick at home, i have never once worked so much in my life during the holidays. ok, it's somewhat a short holiday nonetheless (yes, medically related people don't have holidays so shut up). summaries and reports due next friday?! seriously, they just want to suck the final breath of life out of you. 5 summaries and 2 reports due. it's taking me ages to do it. mum asked me "how is it that i see you doing it every day and night and yet you're still doing it even after 7 days of working on it?!" and i'm like "yes i wished i had a shortcut too". and i remember telling surin that everytime i typed a line in either my summary or report, i imagine dr cheah's face cringing and i see him crumpling my papers and dumping it into the bin. i don't know why but it's just this time in paeds that i have such horrid, yet vivid visualizations. LOL.

took some time off dim-summing with kar. despite already feeling weird with my stomach growling. seriously, that ungrateful guy. AHAHA. but yes, he bought me 'tis by frank mccourt! been waiting for it for ages! =D thanks kar =) and yes, our awkwardly weird social outting. don't mention. DON'T.


and wedding dinner with sooi. =) loved it NOT because of her cousin brother getting married but because she's there. LOL. and some certain good looking guy that we both secretly like. LOL. =D



anyways, it's tomorrow. sigh. another week. another week in hell. ok more like forever in hell. shucks. goodnite world. see you in seremban. BAHHHH!!

I Don't Know You Anymore

and yes it is true when they say that there is a reason for everything that has happened.

so true.

and that there's a reason why at some point of your life, some people leave and some, they stay.

i think i've witnessed that enough for myself and it had to take me so long to realize the value of this.

i think i'm more appreciative of the people i have in my life right now. NOT that i don't usually do. but i do MORE now. teehee =D

it's sad to see someone who was once your friend change into something that you don't know anymore. that feeling of helplessness to see him plunge into that deep dark abyss. and all you can do is to wish him well in all and yes, better still, wished we didn't ever have to meet again. EVER. or talk. or msn. it is sad.

so yes, there is a reason to why we didn't ever workout. i'd be damned. can't thank my lucky stars enough ? :)

and for a moment, the current "he" is so much better than the previous "he". i just suddenly feel the need to appreciate him more. and then stop demanding all the things i demanded from him since 2 months ago. LOL. and then i shall compromise :)

♥ i miss him more ♥

Pointless

you asked me what was wrong

and i told you

but it wouldn't make any difference

because you don't make me feel better

because you don't care

because you don't ever attempt to amend it

so don't

just don't.

Weekend Marathon!

Whoohoo! me in kl. me in kl. me in kl. :)

heading to my favourite porridge place now. sooi is taking ages to get ready. TSK

and then to SHAWWWWPINNGGGGG!!!

and then to eat.

and then to SHAWWWWWPINNGGG..

and then to eat.

and then hopefully wondermilk :)

i love malaysia.

ok maybe not afterall theyve done to me.

maybe just today :D

2 months

today is the 12th.

it has been 2 months since then.

and again, no progress.

no answer.

nothing.

you don't ever care, do you?

and you don't ever remember.

with you, it's always about evading the whole situation and problem that is staring right at our bloody faces.

and you choose to ignore.

it's ok.

i just give up.

i just need the right time.

the courage to make that decision that is what's best for me.

even if it meant losing you.

i'd rather be losing you now, than to lose you forever.

i want you.

but i need to let you go.

i need to let me go.

i'd rather us be the best of friends, than to end up being away from each others' lives.

i don't want that for us.

i don't want that for me.

help.

Pull That Trigger

just take it all.

take it!

there is nothing left.

or shoot me.

i am bleeding.

Away..

today i feel like we're growing apart.

drifting away from each other.

i don't know if it's just me.

or if it's real.

or it's our busy schedule.

i miss him.

First Week Down!

paeds has been fun so far. 4 more weeks to go. part of me can't wait to finish it. part of me loves being around these kids. and oh! today, there's this 1 year old girl whom i walked pass in the ward as i was entering, so i waved at her. guess what she did? :D ahaha. SHE FROWNED AT ME!!! lol. she really did. and it was really a frown! so cute :) of course, i talked to the mother later and played with her then. she couldn't stop playing with my pens and couldn't stop saying "pooh" after looking at the winnie the pooh bears in the cupboard opposite her bed. :D and she let me carry her! :)

made my day that girl.

and it's KL this weekend! to see Sooi. and have fun. and eat. and go to places.

and then mum dad popping by again this weekend. don't ask me why. because i am not interested in my dad's frenzy with his car.

so yes, currently waiting for kw to come back and go go go go go!!!!! :D

toodles :)

Better :)

today's a much better day.

sunny.

bright.

less gloomy.

still enjoyed clerking patients with the ho.

miss giggling and laughing loudly and being disgusting and perved with the pik! oh my, the noise!

miss going dinner with the pik and kw and surin.

today improved :)

ps: a paediatrician was so funny today. she said to the patient whose child was being placed on a man-made "buaian" which was basically a piece of cloth tied on both ends to both the ends of the bed with "tali rafia",

"wah letak bayi macam ini ah. nanti "pom!". LOL. banyak inovasi juga ah. LOL."

ok, only me and the ho would laugh. kw didn't get us. HAHAHA. yes, that complete retard. :)

today was very much better. i was myself. at least more. :)

Where Is The Love?

i am utterly disgusted. utterly embarrassed. speechless.

wonder when did malaysians get so low. OH SO VERY LOW.

IMO, there is no solid and valid reason that would justify such an act.

Walked Under a Bus, Got Hit by a Train

this is gonna be really hard.

i mean really.

things cannot get any more undesirable and distorted and twisted and evil and unfair.

that comfy zone is long gone.

still i crave and yearn for it every minute every second.

rewind. rewind. rewind. rewind. rewind.

When Its At Your Feet

tomorrow's the start of a new semester. i'm hating it. i am absolutely HATING it.

there's no lams, no surin, no kw, no pik, no bo!! ARGH!

the only thing worth rejoicing is that i still have the ho :) LOL.

and that it's paeds i'm starting with bcos i love it. and i HOPE i still do after the 5 weeks.

can't believe facing "IT" for a whole 6 months. why do all bad guys end up together. seriously.

wish me luck.

pray for me.

goodnite world.

♥ Michelle ♥

my best friend michelle left for Galway on Tuesday. yes, finally after 9 months of bumming at home and complaining about doing nothing at all (she doesn't understand that i'd trade ANYTHING for that seriously).

i was sitting at the airport for almost 5 hours alone. seriously, KLIA needs a bloody starbucks or coffee bean. i had to sit at mcdonald's totally uncomfy chair which ached my butt. i was thinking a lot about how mich and i might never contact each other that frequently anymore, as much as we want to. the workload that is bound to be pouring all over our shoulders once i start class again (EOS 7!!) and hers too. i know the distance and time difference wouldn't kill our spirits as long as we want to. so yes, i'm trying to keep a positive attitude about how things will stay the same as much as possible despite the fact that we're continents apart. i really made it sound like some tragic love story isn't it? LOL. and then i was thinking about all that had happened in the past 2.5 years back in imu bukit jalil. all the great times with her and surin. i miss them. it suddenly feels like we've grown a lot.

we didn't exactly click right away during orientation. i thought she was sort of a Dolores Umbridge though. LOL. and then i remember all the fun that we had while dancing, practising, dressing up as idiots and acting like one, and all that embarrassing moments. mich, i was glad you were with me then to help keep my sanity in check when satvinder had to pretend to get the egg out of my bottom during the sketch :D LOL.

it's just weird how we always read each others' minds. she agrees with that too. and we have so many things in common that at times it's really scary!! haha. but i love it :) feels great to have someone to share the same thoughts, same opinion and same interests. we always seem to agree with the same thing, and even when we don't, we'd just go "shut up, bitch" to each other. HAHAHAHA.. and just laugh it off at the end.

it's like she speaks for me when i fail to find the right words to say, when i fail to express myself. she just knows exactly how i feel and then with so little effort, string them into one sentence and then i'd go "yes mich. that's exactly how i feel now". it's funny because she just knows me so well! more than i know myself at times. she's like that inner voice inside me, that subconscious part of me.

and i miss those sleepovers at lot 567 or is it 456??!!!!! god! EVERYTIME. lol. i'm sorry darling, i know i will WILL remember it soon enough. :D that psychotically comfy bed made for a princess, that lousy stupid laptop you have (thank god you got a new one), those nail painting sessions, Pride and Prejudice back to backs!! those wonderfully delicious breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner by Phoebe and mummy and that Uzbekistan lady with her pork leg!!! OOOoomphh! and tia! you know i love her despite all that chasing me around. LOL. thank you mich for everything. you have been too generous with me really. love you!

sigh. like i said to you mich, no words would ever justify all that we've had, the great times we've shared and the wonderful moments that i will remember forever =) mich, good luck in Galway. i wish for all that is best for you there and everywhere you go! =) i will be thinking of you everyday and praying. love you always!!

The Notebook ♥

kar how said to me "wahh you really outdated also hor..this movie is like 2004?!"

and i'm like "yeah, shut up."

LOL.

FINALLY managed to finish downloading "The Notebook". and yes, i cried like a baby (hate it when you're right kar). Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gossling did a BEAUTIFUL job i must say. i thought their acting were brilliant. absolutely. especially rachel. she was soooooo Allie. it isn't your regular normal chick flick really. i mean yes, the storyline is pretty simple, the country boy and the city girl who both fell so madly in love with each other - oh what a summer romance! LOL. yes, it's all that and MORE.

i would want to grow old with the one i love like that. i would love for him to wait for me for 7 years. i would love for him to write me 365 letters in a year and then never stop loving me each day. i would love to spend the whole summer frolicking away in the beach with him. i would love to runaway from home and stay up till 2 am with him. i would love for him to ask me out on a date, just hanging with a hand on the steel bar on the ferris wheel, i would love to dance with him on the streets, i would love that boat ride with him on that river filled with little ducklings in summer/spring, i would love to kiss him in the rain and wished it would never end, i would love him to read to me our love story when i have dementia at the age of 70, and most of all, i would love how he loved me just the same throughout the years.

and yes, it's the same author who gave us "A Walk to Remember". complete genius in romance novels this dude, Nicholas Sparks. i think i cried as much as i did for a walk to remember. very, very VERY touching.

if you haven't watched it, you must! i'd give a 10/10 for acting, and a 9/10 for its plot. BEAUTIFUL movie. period.

"it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard,
but we're gonna have to work at this everyday,
but i wanna do that, because i want you,
all of you..forever" ♥♥♥

Wonderful Tonight :)

i could faint. i could die. my heart could stop beating. my heart could flutter and fibrillate. my heart could sing!!!!!! ♥♥♥

i totally melt.

he sang "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton to me!!! *gasp + shrieks*

♥♥♥♥♥♥

anyways, today has been busy. busy entertaining friends and myself. LOL. ok maybe more of myself. hee! had lunch with han yin and jasmin. she's flying back to russia this wednesday and it'll be another year till i see her again :( so much has changed since yamaha, digital, CML and Senzation days. we've really all grown up! :S

and then i woke up really early this morning to go to the hospital to get my tuberculin skin test results. darn thing! and then had to go back to my GP to get him to certify everything. it really is a gruesome process! FUH!!

and then i had my guitar lesson at 530pm. as always, it is AWESOME!!! :) and oh oh oh!!!! my first time playing on an electric guitar!!! IT'S DAMN AWESOOOMMMMMEEE AND COOOOLL!!!!!!!

and then i had to go shopping to buy some stuff for mich. will be seeing her tomorrow to send her off. definitely NOT a happy thought :(

and so here i am :D

i'm tired. but i'm loving my day. wished i could play my guitar all day long :)

My Guitar Heroes :)

i am officially in love ♥♥♥ with:

1) my own Yamaha guitar ♥♥♥

2) my guitar

3) my guitar

4) BOTH my guitar teachers :)

5) my guitar

Faizal taught me how to play viva la vida today :D IT'S BLOODY GOOD! and then he taught me love story!!!! I COULD DIE!! omg omg omg omg omg OMG! i love love love love!! :)

Damon taught me god bless the broken road :) and yes, he will teach me tonight i wanna cry the next class!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *shrieks*

like it was soooo awesome to see faizal playing john mayer's your body is a wonderland. i'm like gasping for air. and he played kiss me by sixpense none the richer. and he played more than words. and i just stared in aww!!! and wondered when i'll ever be that good. and when damon sang god bless the broken road, i swear my heart just stopped!!!!

dear god, why can't all guys know how to play the guitar??!!! i think i desperately need to be serenaded to everyday!!!! :)))))))

Guitar Mania!

i finally did what i wanted to do from a long long time ago. i took that one step forward. and so much has changed. ok maybe not. so much has changed since the past 3 hours? LOL..

anyways, i'm just glad that i finally took up my guitar and drove to Jammin Senzation (JS). i am finally learning how to play it! (knowing only C major IS NOT very productive of me). in case you're wondering, JS is my music teacher's school, also where various aspiring musicians from everywhere in penang come jammin in here (she ought to pay me a little bit for that brief marketing promo LOL). jasmin put me under faizal and damon :) I AM FEELING ECSTATIC!

first class with faizal was good :) tomorrow's damon :)

I CAN'T WAIT!

but my fingers hurt...:(

I Will...

"But i disappear into the person i love. i am the permeable membrane. if i love you, you can have everything. you can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. if i love you, i will carry for you all your pain, i will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), i will protect you from your own insecurity, i will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and i will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. i will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, i will give you a sun check and a rain check. i will give you all this and more...."

Relieved

ok. i'm done.

i will wait.

come what may.

Some Light Please?

i stared blankly at my "new post" page for a long time. i feel like i have a lot to write. i feel like my emotions are just waiting to be drained out of me. but i can't find the right words.

it's been awhile since i have absolutely nothing to think and worry about; no qualms or whatsoever. i know it's part of being human. it's what you call "life". really, it's that cliched.

and i think my poor blog has suffered enough of mental and emotional bruises from me. all that breaking down while typing and all that release-me-from-this-pain energy radiating towards it from me. my tosh is crying too.

it's just that i don't know any happy thing worth writing in here anymore. i know i'm such a sad person really. you know what i feel like now?

i feel like dementors are creeping in on me and sucking that every last bit of happy memory out of me. yes, like all the happiness in the world is gone.

shall i at least attempt to be contented with the slightest event that spells "oh, yay?"

maybe i should.

anyways, Edinburgh has reserved a place for me to do my selectives attachment there next year July. so if everything goes well, i would finally be in Europe :) and i'd be able to travel to London and everywhere else. all the places that i've loved since forever. and if it's not asking too much of mum, i might just pop in the idea of me going to Ireland for a few days? in case you're wondering, Ireland is my favourite country since forever, with no particular reason. but if you insist, it's because that's where westlife was born, they've got splendid, panaromic views and sceneries, it's just exceptionally gorgeous. and yes, the irish accent is such a turn on. plus, the irish guys are such hotties!! mmmHMmMMM!!!

ok, so yes. i'm gonna get my documents done. my passport done. geez. yes i don't have a bloody passport. SHUT UP!!!

and cross my fingers!!

everything will be fine.

as for now, i need to think things through. if it is really what i want. i don't want to regret and wish i hadn't said that to him. i just want myself to be happy.

i deserve that little bit of happiness, do i not?

The One-Way Street

today's the 12th.

it is exactly 1 month since the first.

i bet you don't remember.

i bet you don't care.

but i do.

and i always will.

i need to be strong.

i need to stop drowning myself with sad songs.

i need to believe that i can do this, without you.

but i will miss all of it.

and i will miss you.

You Don't Care, Do You?

"David's sudden emotional back-stepping probably would've been a catastrophe for me even under the best of circumstances, given that i am the planet's most affectionate life-form (something like a cross between a golden retriever and a barnacle), but this was my very worst of circumstances. I was despondent and dependent, needing more care than an armful of premature infant triplets. His withdrawal only made me more needy, and my neediness only advanced his withdrawals, until soon he was retreating under fire of my weeping pleas of 'where are you going, what happened to us?'

The fact is, i had become addicted to David, and now that his attention was wavering, i was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like someone he has never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes.

So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self. "

- Eat Pray Love

i know i've already said this a zillion times, but this book is good. maybe i could relate to it pretty well on a personal basis. maybe it speaks for me.

especially now. when i just cannot find the right words to express how i feel, what i'm thinking. and it's frustrating because i just wished my sentiments were known! but i don't know how to get it out of me. my vocabulary feels inadequate. sigh.

i just wished you'd somehow, automatically, know how to read me. i'm dying here.

"i don't know how to ask you. i don't know how to bring it up again. because it would make me appear ever more needy. ever more desperate. and i don't want you to think that i'm being too clingy. because i am not. i am just that kind of person that needs an answer to every question that keeps haunting and hounding my mind. i need that certainty. i need to feel like my questions are being answered. even if it isn't the answer that i want, i'm sure i'd be ok. and even if i won't be ok, i know i will be soon. i just need a bit of time to let it go. to let you go.

i miss the days when you would wrap me up in your arms. when your hands would incidentally find mine. when you would find every excuse to be near me. when i could feel you even when you're a million miles away.

what happened then? how did it turn out like this?

now all that's left is a memory of that vague, murky past. what could've been. should've been. and all that wishful thinking.

every song reminds me of you. every lyric. every tune.
every movie reminds me of you. every move. every laughter. every joke.

i am tired of it. truly exhausted from all the emotional and mental exertion. you have broken that wall. you have seen it all come crashing down. i am now a mess in a pile of rubble. i just need a little bit of time. i just need that little bit of courage to let you go. i need you to help me to let me let you go. don't come knocking on my door. don't come running back to me again. i need to do this right for once. it isn't fair for me. neither it is for you because i'm constantly trying to make you be someone you're not.

Let me let go.."

- somewhere behind that veil

The Rollercoaster Ride

it's been 5 months since seremban started. it definitely does not feel so. i just cannot seem to comprehend the fact that so much has happened in such a short time (or long, since i cannot even understand how or why time just past me by with such a hurricane speed, hence i can't tell if 5 months is a long or short time) and that semester 6 just ended that i cannot recollect fast enough all that i have learnt or that has happened before that i am left stoned here, trying to remember things and my head can't stop spinning round and round and it's making me scared and nervous cos semester 7 will be commencing soon (although the holidays have just started i know but surely you'll have to realise how unforgiving time is these days) and then i will soon find myself graduating from medical school, with that oh-so-great-title in front of my name this time around that the responsibilities and duties just keep piling up on my shoulders that it would sooner or later give way and then i'd die.

FUH!

FULL-STOP.

ok yes, i need to slow down and just chillax. yes, that's what i will try to do.

right, i shall....what's that word? ahh yes, R-E-F-L-E-C-T.

family medicine: great! =) so much of free time and fun!

surgery: fabuloso! so many handsome (although a little elderly. hate to admit that, but still..) surgeons, so much that i have learnt, great great great posting!

internal medicine: BLAHHHH!! i'm sorry, but what the hell is that?! oh right, some absurdly weird, ridiculously insane 7 week posting of which i wished it never did happen at all. PERIOD.

and here's to those wonderfully fun times i had with those i love love love! satay kajang, krispy kremes, ho wai's birthday, MY birthday, those random movie night outs, and all that dinners and lunches and car pool rides. missing them all :)

this is lams and me at steamboat. post-lams birthday celebration :)


this is us in malacca, post-sem 6 and after-exams RnR :)

i think i shall embrace myself for what's to come in semester 7. different groups. different people. people i need to start getting accustom to seeing everyday. paediatrics! obs and gyn! (i love both despite the workload), psychiatry and orthopedics. whokays =S and an EOS7 at the end of it all.

for now, i shall forget about worrying. or at least i promise i will try.

maybe i shall just re-read Deathly Hallows and continue with my new, favourite book Eat, Love Pray by Elizabeth Taylor. REALLY GOOD. :)

and then i shall indulge in my dvds and my tv! and more sleep. ciao!

Rough

i don't hear you.

i don't hear me.

i don't hear anyone.

- silence -

Just Close The Other Eye

it feels routined now to feel disappointment. after every exam. after every eop. there is not one that you'd go "okkk i think i might have just done fine."

NONE.

Let It Fall Like Rain

it's been a week. funny. cos it doesn't feel that way at all.

it's been 2 weeks. coming to 3. tomorrow is the 3rd week.

i don't know if things could go back to where and how it was before.

you know when it's going nowhere when it reaches that plateau and the world becomes static.

void of all movements.

and you can't ask.

because when you do, you appear desperate.

you're needy.

you're gasping.

that heavy breathing is all you hear.

you are neither in or out.

if only you would care to know how it feels.

how this feels.

how i feel.

i'm tired of working.

i'm tired of thinking.

i need to lay me to rest.

but i can't.

i don't know how.

that deep dark abyss surrounds me in silence.

that facade failed.

you see it all.

and i cry in pain.

That Girl Who Turned 21

i know this post is long overdued. and i am truly sorry. blame those who held on to the pics for a century! LOL. ok you know i love you despite all that. hee!

so anyways, my beloved car pool gang, lumpy lams, the ho, the ohh, the pik, the chicken, and bo...

they threw me a surprise mini birthday party! =)

the cupcakes were really good actually! but what is most important was that i spent the midnight with 6 of my favourite people. friends that i wouldn't trade anything for =) THANK YOU so much. from the bottom of my heart. you know you are loved.


and to those who made my 21st birthday bash the best memory i will ever have of my previous ones and those yet to come,

THANK YOU again for gracing my red carpet event. LOL. =D you people are fantabulous!

food was good, i hope? and the place is just beautiful. even more so because of you guys. feels weird to be 21. *shucks* hee!

to mum and dad, who made it all possible. for coming down all the way from home. and for arranging everything. i know i've been a pain in the arse for the past 21 years and i think i still will be? =) but you both would have to be the greatest gift God could ever give me. i love you both! ♥♥♥♥


my favourite people =)


my car pool gang! =) *hearts hearts hearts hearts* ♥♥♥♥


mich, my darling, that necklace and earrings will definitely make me so hot hot hot hot that every guy passing by would stop to stare. LOL. they are SO SO SO BEAUTIFUL you have no idea how much i love it. i stare at it every single day ok. i swear! i don't know why you know me so well =) i love you with all my heart and forever and always.

lams, for that wonderful dinner bag =) now i don't have to go around asking for a silver one anymore! and that exceptionally GORGEOUS anklet! love u more =)

surin, for always being that thoughtful person that you are. i am touched. can't believe you remembered. love u more =)

ho, for giving me my NUMBER 1 WISH LIST! you are insane! you made me shout in the carpark like some psycho maniac! but you have no idea how grateful i am and how much i love it to bits. you just drove me into the assylum. love u forever ever!!

kw, i told you i didn't care what you'd buy me because i would love anything u give me. i sure did. for all that trouble you've gone through just to get me that, love u always till the day i die!! and that billabong sandals!!!! *melts*

pik, for that lovely, sweet baby doll dress you gave me. i adore it to bits really! and i would definitely wear it again and again and again that you'd think i have no other dresses to wear LOL. and i'm still keeping that wrapper and its beautiful green bow! (although someone said it looked like tissue papers LOL but i say no!) they're gorgeous anyhow. love you my shooting pellets!! mwahhh!!

maya and sundar, the perfume smells utterly good! although i know i smell bad. hee! i still love u both =)

kar, for that wonderful novel. you knew i just couldn't put any good book down, don't u. and for that sleepless night trying to come up with the perfect message in it. loved it to bits. love u to bits too! and YES THOSE KRISPY KREMES WERE FABULOSO, GREAT, YUMMY AND AMAZINGLY GOOD! and for that, you deserve another round of love from me =) enough kah? LOL

cat, cmei, kelly, charlotte, for that pretty ballerina musical box! it's by my bedside now just so you know =) thank you so much for being there for me throughout the years. love you all!

fen, cheng ling and cheng jun, for that exceptionally cute music box and that pretty little bracelet. i love them both! =)


and to my cousins and aunts and uncles, for that insanely good looking alain delon pen you bought me, that number of angpaus, that beautiful key-shaped necklace and that beautifully unique silver bracelet. i love them all! =)

and mummy and daddy again, for bringing Sasha into my life, QAF 1009 and my htc =)

i am overwhelmed with tears at this very moment. utterly speechless. my 21st birthday celebrations have been an absolute blast. thanks to all who made it happen for me!

i know i am loved =) ♥♥♥♥

ps: thank you see mei, my papa, for being my personal photographer of the day, for taking so many beautifullllllll pics of the ppl i love :) thank you fr the bottom of my heart! me love u!!!!

Where Do We Go From Here?

she pondered, wandered. to that familiar crossroad once again. haven't she already been here before? why does it feel like it's only been a circle. why is it still the same. that same emotion. that familiar question. that predictable consequence. that known fact. in that very same place, same person.

the wall came crumbling down. her defense lowered. she says, "set me free. set me free".

he would not listen.

she's caught.

3...2...1 !!

and the drums begin to roll....




bye bye to those teeny years! *confetti*

ok technically i should grow up but i don't think i ever will =) LOL

thank you ho wai, lams, kah weng, surin, sara, maya and sundar for loving me!! =D

i love you too =)

Beautiful Saturday =)

sigh. the past week was totally unproductive. the only exception being the fact that my patient is such a sweetheart uncle, and his family as well that i learnt a lot from him. medically, and on whole as a person. absolutely beautiful family. i can't help but wonder why would God take a few years away from such a wonderful person.

and yesterday, we went to Kg Tekir. they were all orang aslis. if you're imagining people with nothing on but banana leaves, then you're absolutely wrong. because they wear clothes like we do. LOL. maybe just a little deprived of medical care and astro and satellite dishes and i don't know. hygiene maybe? but other than that, they're really no different than any of us.



the short trip into their little kampungs were really thrilling! ooooohhh!! =) we got to sit in one of those huge tractors which were supposed to be taking in palm oil plantation workers. so it gave us that refugees-like feeling that we all found excitement in. weird, but true.


so we assessed the children's nutritional status, their growth and performed an overall examination. and it was really fun to interact with them because they're just so adorable! there was this really OBESE little baby and he was so so so SO SO cute. i really really enjoyed it despite all the sweating and dirt and dust.


it was really tiring, but it was also a perfect opportunity at least for me, to realise that there are so many less fortunate people and children out there that the very little things that we can do and offer would make such a huge difference in their lives. all it takes is just that little bit of effort and time.

ain't that difficult, no?

A Series of Fortunate and Misfortunate Event(s)

So the week got better towards the end. although i just finished emo-ing. i don't know. i honestly think i have a bipolar disorder. i can't wait to be in psychiatry posting because then i'll find out what other mental problems i have and i'm sure i have a bunch of them.

so anyways, yesterday was probably the best day of the entire week. CP with Dr James is probably like one of the most stress free and fun CPs i've had so far. it's just weird to actually ENJOY a CP. like we could actually admit that we weren't any good at reading an ECG. and that 'ECG made easy' book that was SUPPOSEDLY meant to be easy wasn't so easy afterall *rolls eyes* and he taught us how to read one with such simplicity and in an understandable language (definitely NOT gibberish at all)! remember to always look at the aVR lead first. =)

and then TBL was cancelled. YAHOOO!! =)

went dating with Lams that night. despite dr james telling us "transformers can wait ok", we seemed to have thought otherwise. lol. Shia Labeouf CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! right, the raging hormones!


so the 2nd installment has definitely lived up to its predecessor. in fact, a lot of other movies with a 2nd installment usually fail to live up to my expectations especially if the 1st was superbly good. it's got a lot of action in it - from the beginning till the end. as usual, Megan Fox is smokin' hot (as Fir puts it lol). and Shia Labeouf is absolutely irresistible! and he is just so good at what he does! so is John Turturo =)

♥♥♥♥ Optimus Prime and Mojo! =) ahaha..

ok. no spoilers. but it is THE best movie of the year so far. we'll see how Harry Potter and New Moon fairs. looks pretty promising from their trailers. but we'll see. =)

and yes!! THE FRAY'S NEVER SAY NEVER IS FEATURED IN THE FILM! (when shia and meg kissed just before he left for college) and i am so proud! one of my fave fray's song to date.

and so this morning, Pik said something like "hmm my friend sent me an sms and said Michael Jackson died".

i said "haha damn bodoh lah. so fake!"

and Lams and Pik gave me that "oh-my-god-you-did-not-just-say-that-mabel" look.

Lams: it is true!!! didn't you hear the radio on the way here Mabel?!

and im like: =S noooo???!! cos i was playing my favourite cd!

Pik: yes. he just passed away. cardiac arrest.

so people, a lesson to learn ----> LISTEN AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE MORNING NEWS!

i remember that guy. the king of pop. my dad had a HUGEEEE collection of his CDs and LDs (laser discs - when dvds and vcds weren't invented just yet).

the 'thriller' MTV still scared the shit out of me everytime i watch it. not that i intentionally watch it but it just kept playing on the tv and on my dad's LD!

i wouldn't say i'm an ardent fan of his. but his songs definitely did leave a mark with me.

i grew up listening to 'heal the world' and 'we are the world'. i sang them for my kindergarten's concert. i practically ADORE it to bits. even now.

and then there was 'you are not alone' from the 'free willy' soundtrack. i absolutely LOVED it. and i will always do. it is probably one of my favourite MJ songs. =) another 'free willy' soundtrack that i love is 'will you be there' and it is BEAUTIFUL.

then there was 'man in the mirror', 'black or white', 'the way you make me feel'. loved all of them since my pre-adolescent days.

and i remembered using this line "if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change" in one of my english essays for SPM =)

and then i hated him for all the facial surgeries and that hypoxic looking face of his. he was so much more good looking when he was black.

then came a series of child molesting suits filed against him. all those alleged sodomy and raping and god knows what else he has done and that god forsaken Neverland ranch which spelled B-A-N-K-R-U-P-T-C-Y for him. lol. right, i shan't laugh.

despite all these negativities, he is definitely a legend. his songs are great. his 'moonwalk' is the bomb. his dance moves are just incomparable. despite always wearing that same black pants and that white socks and that black shoe and that scrotum-holding dance move. he is the epitome of a successful pop artist/musician. hats off.

his death is a loss for all. a true music artist. an unmatched performer. an icon. a legend. the King of Pop.

rip.

So Much Better!

The day was just great. Wonderful. Almost perfect.

Minus the fact that the weather this morning was pretty gloomy and windy that my bed just seemed to be dragging me back to its arms.

Got my results for EOP today.

Prof Yushak didn't fail me!! =D

OMG!

I could just die of MI.

Loved my results all in all except Fam Med MCQ (that bugger)

God must have loved me =)

Oh Such Crap!

First day of a new posting

First day of the week

First day after such a blissful holiday which was oh so short lived

First day in oh so scary + psychotic internal med

First day waking up half an hour before class with a 10 minute drive to uni

First day i turned my alarm off and the handphone did not ring after that

First day Willie and i flew (almost) on the highway

First day not having breakfast before class

First day being scared shitless by ho wai

First day presenting the first case of the posting to prof

First day being really REALLY scared shitless

REALLY REALLY REALLY scared shitless!

And so it was a bad bad bad bad BAD BAD way to start a new week and a new posting.

How much more terrible can my luck get.

21 Wishes For That 21st Birthday!

1. Westlife Live at Croke Park Stadium DVD
2. The Fray's new album- self titled
3. Westlife and twilight personalized t-shirt
4. Westlife autobiography book
5. Just anything that spells W-E-S-T-L-I-F-E and T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T
6. Ipod (so that i can play tap tap too LOL)
7. That Nichii black dress that i love ("M" size please!)
8. An external hard disk for my zillions of songs and movies in my comp
9. New headphones
10. PS3
11. That braided, gold coloured hairband from Diva
12. That pretty green dress Serena Van Der Woodsen wore for Waldorf Designs
13. All other pretty dresses?
14. All other pretty shoes??
15. All other pretty hairbands???
16. All other pretty accessories????
17. A zillion Wondermilk cupcakes!
18. A zillion Krispy Kremes!!
19. Tubs of Haagen Daz!!!
20. A kiss from EDWARD CULLEN
21. To have a wonderful and memorable time with my family and beloved friends =)

Get your asses up and start working on it people!!! =D

You know i'd love you forever! =)

Oh! and i forgot! Please add to that 21 list of gifts a Rascal Flatts new album too, titled "Unstoppable".

Thank you thank you! You know i'd be forever in your debts =) *kisses*

The Heart Knows It Best

Optimism doesn't quite exist in my vocabulary right now.

I could've done so much better.

If only i was given another case rather than just plain, old, simple "acute appendicitis". Right, tell me it's the easiest case you could ever get and that i should be getting an A for it and i swear to god i'd just shoot myself to death.

Even for the theory papers, i know i could've done better. I should've listened to that little voice inside my head and follow my not-so-confident little heart. They're just somehow, always right!

I think Lams is right. I want to pass. But then again, i want to pass comfortably. i don't want to get a C although that it's also like passing but bordernline-ly! =( I just hope it's enough for a B.

Then again, no use crying over spilled milk. Maybe i should've been more focused. maybe i should've mugged more. the word "mug" already annoys the hell out of me.

Maybe it's my short attention span these days. maybe it's the constant distraction here. (like wat??!! distraction in seremban??!!! quote ho wai LOL)

Or just maybe, i'm plain stupid. It's crude and harsh. but then again, i think i might just need to face reality. oh that smack in my face!

i think i just need to suck it up lah. *sigh* and look forward to going home in like an hour??!! LOLLLLL can't wait.

Home cooked food, beloved bed and pink room, beloved LCD tv, beloved astro, beloved couch, beloved aunts and uncles, beloved niece!!, beloved car, beloved home, beloved friends!!! like oh my god i can't wait anymore! and definitely mum and dad, king and queen of my heart =)

HOME SWEET HOME!! =)

SCREW YOU EXAMS!!!

The Living And The Dead

Maybe it's my period. Maybe it's the dysmenorrhea. Maybe its the pimple that pops out so annoyingly at every change in my hormonal cycle each month.

I don't feel alive. I don't feel like i'm here. I'm beginning to feel like i'm losing myself in the midst of this fervent heat of worrying but not doing anything about it at all. I can feel the walls closing in on me like a wave of messed up thoughts just suffocating me.

And i'm falling off the edge.

Stoned.

One Step Closer

Just a few random things running through my mind right now:

1. i'm amazed (again!) at how the weekend isn't like a weekend at all

2. it's already Sunday

3. i'm still such a bum

4. 3 summaries and 1 report to finish up. that bloody thing!

5. exam in 2 weeks time - procrastination is the only word in my dictionary

6. still feel stupid and incompetent

7. kara dioguardi's 'strangers and angels' is damn good!

8. my limbs and stomach still ache from friday's yoga class with ho wai and pei

9. i am NOT thinking of the idiot

10. i feel like i'm getting heavier

11. i wished my holidays have started too

12. planning to go to King's College London for electives - pray for me!

13. wondering what's surin bringing back for dinner

14. watched a cinderella's story for the 1000th time last night

15. kar how's starting work tomorrow!

16. andrew graduated already! and i'm sorry i didn't know earlier =(

17. it's been 6 weeks since i last went home

18. no. 17 is an amazing feat! darn proud =)

19. miss mum and dad so much ♥♥♥

20. miss good food back in penang!

21. miss sooi, diana, cat, mei and everyone back home. can't wait to see routheng and cho when they get back!

22. can't wait to be home sweet home =)

I Bruise Easily

Remember the last I let you out
You got hurt
You were bruised
And you never really healed?
Just like every now and then
The edges of water drown you in
And as you suffer the silent consequence
Who knew but that voice that says "i told you so"
You know all that can consume you
And i hope you know what you should do
And i have to keep you safe
Away from the weathering pain
Into that little grey closet
Until you are ready for it again..

The Good Things That Happen

It's the weekend again!

*confetti*

Yes, you might have noticed by now that ever since surgery posting started, i've been only looking forward to the weekends, despite it always being oh-so-very-short-lived. It's not that i don't enjoy surgery, but it's more like i feel the need to relax and rewind and do absolutely nothing at all after the first 3 days of the week because monday tuesday and wednesday are hell-like every other week.

*rolls eyes*

anyways, this week has been pretty fun. thursday was really good!! =D firstly, i managed to follow Prof Ramesh into his paeds clinic at SOPD (surgical ourpatient department) and it was a mind-blowing experience altogether. Learnt alot, saw alot and i just absolutely love kids! There was this little boy who couldn't stop crying because he was just so scared to be examined and all the kicking and punching acts didn't make it any easier to convince him that all that we were gonna do was to just have a look. And even after we took a look at his little tummy, he just refused to be quiet. And me being such an angel and very magical (LOL), took out a packet of biscuits from my utterly heavy labcoat, and gave it to him. My god, the magical touch of a biscuit! =D He just went silent and smiled!!! =) THAT, that that that, just melted my heart...and i asked him if he likes biscuits and he said yes and smiled =) and i asked if he'd eat them and he nodded fervently =D

Sara and i just have this INSANE love for babies and kids. She's more of babies and i'm both. LOL. And today, we went to Obs and Gyn ward 1B with Fen and our eyes just went goo goo the minute we saw the little babies there =) We wanna be preggy too!!! LOL and i wana have babies like NOWWWW!!! =D Sperm donation please??? lolll

then on thursday, me, hw, kw, lams, maya, sara, wawa, and mich drove all the way to kl, to times square to buy KRISPY KREME!! i can assure you they're the best doughnuts you'd ever get and they're wayyyy better than JCo and Big Apple. IMHO, honey glazed is the best! =D




it was hw's crazy little idea to go down and since we didn't have much going on today, we decided we shall take a break from all the madness. and then we went to My Elephant in PJ for thai food. and it was really really good! totally worth every cent. and then we went to this cake shop which served this wonderful layered cakes! the vanilla crepes and strawberry crepes were my favourite! =D take me there again hw!!! just take me!! =D lol

loved thursday =)

today, my cousin sister sent me this:

That's zoe and her little sis =) This, completed my week ♥♥♥♥♥