things can't get anymore easier, can they?
men can't get anymore less complicated too, can they?
why now. why is everything happening now. why.
i mean seriously, can't you just shut your fucking mouth up and tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me and you'll give me all the love and happiness in the world and then actually do and show it?
and i thought women have period issues to deal with. pfft.
November 30, 2011
November 20, 2011
i'm scared.
i don't know if i can bear the consequences of the decision i just made.
why do i do this to myself all the time. why do i need to beat myself up.
i want for us to do this together as much as you do. i dont want to lose you.
but what if this is for the better. what if things are meant to turn out as such.
haven't i already run this through my head a million times.
why am i still at where i stood since forever?
i don't know if i can bear the consequences of the decision i just made.
why do i do this to myself all the time. why do i need to beat myself up.
i want for us to do this together as much as you do. i dont want to lose you.
but what if this is for the better. what if things are meant to turn out as such.
haven't i already run this through my head a million times.
why am i still at where i stood since forever?
November 10, 2011
today's the only off day i get, like a real proper one, not a postcall one, after 6 weeks of work. seriously. why hasn't anyone complained about how this is all against labour law?! RAWR
my life has gotten so mundane and boring that there really isn't much to write in here. sighs. everyday is just a repetition of the same cycle: get up and yell fuck you --> work and get screwed --> come home and eat the hell out of myself --> sleep like a pig. and it repeats itself the next day.
the only salvations to my poor, broken soul are the comfort of home and mum, the very few people i hangout with here ( actually i think theres only you and you lols ), playing my music with my piano and guitar, tv, and facebook! :)
lunch appointments, dinner hangouts, coffee hangouts, i mean these things make me look forward to the week, which i think is exceptionally essential after all that shit i get from work. happy :)
oh, my pay came in! some miniscule amount, but ok, what can i say? can't complain. life is life. can't wait till i pass that mrcpch and shove it in the pm's face. everyone i know seems to be waiting for my pay day LOL. ive got a date at kampachi, another with my best friend, and my aunt cant stop bugging me to bring her to the market (she's an aunty, what can i say) and for breakfast. and the bills at home! reality check. gahs.
my life has gotten so mundane and boring that there really isn't much to write in here. sighs. everyday is just a repetition of the same cycle: get up and yell fuck you --> work and get screwed --> come home and eat the hell out of myself --> sleep like a pig. and it repeats itself the next day.
the only salvations to my poor, broken soul are the comfort of home and mum, the very few people i hangout with here ( actually i think theres only you and you lols ), playing my music with my piano and guitar, tv, and facebook! :)
lunch appointments, dinner hangouts, coffee hangouts, i mean these things make me look forward to the week, which i think is exceptionally essential after all that shit i get from work. happy :)
oh, my pay came in! some miniscule amount, but ok, what can i say? can't complain. life is life. can't wait till i pass that mrcpch and shove it in the pm's face. everyone i know seems to be waiting for my pay day LOL. ive got a date at kampachi, another with my best friend, and my aunt cant stop bugging me to bring her to the market (she's an aunty, what can i say) and for breakfast. and the bills at home! reality check. gahs.
October 31, 2011
October 30, 2011
i don't want to jinx it.
but work has so far been fairly ok. it's just the part of having to get up at 5am, beat myself at it, drag myself (literally) out of my bed and walking into the oh so depressing hospital. the smell of it makes me sick all the time.
my ward has been great so far, very much thanks to the help i get from my super seniors. liang wei (my professor like sifu!), firdaus, nasir and fazrul. yes, i was the only teeny weeny female amongst my androgenic bunch of colleagues. theyve taught me so much and have made my life so much easier!
i don't want to move to another ward tomorrow! :( females are always a tough lot to handle blergh. the oh so many pms moments.
please do continue to be kind to me!
but work has so far been fairly ok. it's just the part of having to get up at 5am, beat myself at it, drag myself (literally) out of my bed and walking into the oh so depressing hospital. the smell of it makes me sick all the time.
my ward has been great so far, very much thanks to the help i get from my super seniors. liang wei (my professor like sifu!), firdaus, nasir and fazrul. yes, i was the only teeny weeny female amongst my androgenic bunch of colleagues. theyve taught me so much and have made my life so much easier!
i don't want to move to another ward tomorrow! :( females are always a tough lot to handle blergh. the oh so many pms moments.
please do continue to be kind to me!
October 21, 2011
i literally drag myself up every morning. and every part of me just cries in pain.
this transition from medical school and holidays, to these somewhat absurdly ridiculous and agonizing days, just kills every part of me - it feels like cancer.
don't have to remind me how i need to stop complaining and whining like geezgetalife. i'd have to work and bring the money home some day soon. and unfortunately that day has arrived. its my responsibility. its my life. i get all that.
but everytime i look back and ponder on my times in university, with you and you you you you and you, and the things we did, the laughs we laughed and the crazy shits we shared. those crazy exam moments where we had each other all the time. and that one goal that we all had. my heart would twitch. and i'd sink back into these memories etched in my heart.
the best times of my life has got to be the ones in imu. edinburgh. uk. dato's classes. even eos. holidays. bali.
as of this point, i don't know how to continue living and pretending as if everything is ok. it isn't. but i do know that i need to stop living in my past, i've got to move on.
move on, how? i've yet to figure that out. one day.
how do you pick up the pieces of the life you once knew?
this transition from medical school and holidays, to these somewhat absurdly ridiculous and agonizing days, just kills every part of me - it feels like cancer.
don't have to remind me how i need to stop complaining and whining like geezgetalife. i'd have to work and bring the money home some day soon. and unfortunately that day has arrived. its my responsibility. its my life. i get all that.
but everytime i look back and ponder on my times in university, with you and you you you you and you, and the things we did, the laughs we laughed and the crazy shits we shared. those crazy exam moments where we had each other all the time. and that one goal that we all had. my heart would twitch. and i'd sink back into these memories etched in my heart.
the best times of my life has got to be the ones in imu. edinburgh. uk. dato's classes. even eos. holidays. bali.
as of this point, i don't know how to continue living and pretending as if everything is ok. it isn't. but i do know that i need to stop living in my past, i've got to move on.
move on, how? i've yet to figure that out. one day.
how do you pick up the pieces of the life you once knew?
October 15, 2011
there isn't a day that i don't regret doing this. none.
i don't get why im working my ass off for this.
a little bit of gratitude and appreciation would go a long way. thanks.
i would relive my imu days all over again no matter how painstaking it was it isnt as painstaking as this is.
i wished everyday was graduation day.
i wished everyday was bali with him.
i wished everyday was korea.
i wished everyday he was with me, at every step of my way.
i wished he was here.
i miss you babe :(
i don't get why im working my ass off for this.
a little bit of gratitude and appreciation would go a long way. thanks.
i would relive my imu days all over again no matter how painstaking it was it isnt as painstaking as this is.
i wished everyday was graduation day.
i wished everyday was bali with him.
i wished everyday was korea.
i wished everyday he was with me, at every step of my way.
i wished he was here.
i miss you babe :(
October 1, 2011
induction came and go. i wished work would come and go too. gah!
and so i will be stuck here at home, penang.. for the next 2 years, until i finally find "my place" and until i figure out what to do with my life and career or maybe until i find a rich man and just marry him. :) lifelong ambition really!
to say that i'm completely elated at the fact that i'd be serving my own hometown.. i'm not quite sure i really am that excited and oooohhh!-like. there's just too many doubts, too many questions, and too many worries that's running through my mind as i step into this uncharted sea of work.
most of all, i know i miss him like crazy. people ask why he isn't coming along with you. shrugs. i don't even know it myself. family commitments? its prolly the only more comforting reason i can tell myself everyday. sara asked me if we are going to work things out the long distance way (fuck i hate LDRs - never believed in them), we will. the plans haven't quite settled in yet because we don't know how the work load and schedules are going to be like, and until then, we'll wait for that day to see each other again. :)
wish me luck guys. isn't it crazy? from school, to college, imu, and now hospital pulau pinang wtf.
pray.
i love you b. i'll see you soon, promise.
to all my sisters and bitches (in a friendly way) out there, we'll do this together, and we'll see each other again soon. promise!
and so i will be stuck here at home, penang.. for the next 2 years, until i finally find "my place" and until i figure out what to do with my life and career or maybe until i find a rich man and just marry him. :) lifelong ambition really!
to say that i'm completely elated at the fact that i'd be serving my own hometown.. i'm not quite sure i really am that excited and oooohhh!-like. there's just too many doubts, too many questions, and too many worries that's running through my mind as i step into this uncharted sea of work.
most of all, i know i miss him like crazy. people ask why he isn't coming along with you. shrugs. i don't even know it myself. family commitments? its prolly the only more comforting reason i can tell myself everyday. sara asked me if we are going to work things out the long distance way (fuck i hate LDRs - never believed in them), we will. the plans haven't quite settled in yet because we don't know how the work load and schedules are going to be like, and until then, we'll wait for that day to see each other again. :)
wish me luck guys. isn't it crazy? from school, to college, imu, and now hospital pulau pinang wtf.
pray.
i love you b. i'll see you soon, promise.
to all my sisters and bitches (in a friendly way) out there, we'll do this together, and we'll see each other again soon. promise!
September 27, 2011
September 18, 2011
who finally took the initiative and effort to start planning a trip with ze frens to somewhere on earth?
ME. pfft. trust you people to do it.
Bali is an exceptionally gorgeous place. i mean seriously, gorgeous is so much of an understatement. its HEAVEN ON EARTH. and i swear it. its so breathtaking, amazing, extraordinary and crazy, crazy beautiful. and you can't stop to wonder if such a haven really do exist here on earth. and i will do it all over again, i swear.
i thought the number of days and the company was just perfect. 4 days, with him, surin, howai and zi. :) short and sweet enough for you to want more of Bali and return one day again to live more luxuriously (haha, we were trying very hard to fit everything into our poor budget when oh, you soooo can live and enjoy Bali in a much more expensive way like a billionaire).
Bali Sorgawi hotel was ok. i mean that's what you get for the amount that you pay. only howai complained about how stupid the hotel was because there was no internet for him to upload his statuses and pictures on facebook 24/7. frowns.
food was ok, not quite suited to my taste buds but it will do :D bebek bengil (this roasted duck thing) was my favourite!
loved the town and everything in it! its so ulu and yet not too ulu and not urbanized at all (haha i dont know what i'm talking about!) and it's just so rich in history and culture. i mean its so Bali! :) sculptures, buildings, carvings, monuments, statues, and its people - they were so Balinese! oh i so love it! people are friendly and things are relatively cheap (we were for once, millionaires in rupiahhhsss! :D LOL)
my favourite place in Bali? definitely Uluwatu and Tanah Lot. and yes, i will go back to both these places again and just sit there and be absorbed and mesmerized all over again with its nature and beauty and feel alive in heaven again. really, its heaven at your feet :)
and oh yes, now i do know why Elizabeth Gilbert returned to Bali the second time round, and why she loved it so much and why she fell in love with Felipe here. :)
Uluwatu temple :) gorgeous, aint it?
heaven at your feet - Tanah Lot :) loves.
Bersakih temple - so Balinese!
Seafood dinner at Jimbaran beach, and the gang :)
Jimbaran beach :) breathtaking sunset!
and korea, soon. hehs. xx.
ps: induction letter arrived. FML.
ME. pfft. trust you people to do it.
Bali is an exceptionally gorgeous place. i mean seriously, gorgeous is so much of an understatement. its HEAVEN ON EARTH. and i swear it. its so breathtaking, amazing, extraordinary and crazy, crazy beautiful. and you can't stop to wonder if such a haven really do exist here on earth. and i will do it all over again, i swear.
i thought the number of days and the company was just perfect. 4 days, with him, surin, howai and zi. :) short and sweet enough for you to want more of Bali and return one day again to live more luxuriously (haha, we were trying very hard to fit everything into our poor budget when oh, you soooo can live and enjoy Bali in a much more expensive way like a billionaire).
Bali Sorgawi hotel was ok. i mean that's what you get for the amount that you pay. only howai complained about how stupid the hotel was because there was no internet for him to upload his statuses and pictures on facebook 24/7. frowns.
food was ok, not quite suited to my taste buds but it will do :D bebek bengil (this roasted duck thing) was my favourite!
loved the town and everything in it! its so ulu and yet not too ulu and not urbanized at all (haha i dont know what i'm talking about!) and it's just so rich in history and culture. i mean its so Bali! :) sculptures, buildings, carvings, monuments, statues, and its people - they were so Balinese! oh i so love it! people are friendly and things are relatively cheap (we were for once, millionaires in rupiahhhsss! :D LOL)
my favourite place in Bali? definitely Uluwatu and Tanah Lot. and yes, i will go back to both these places again and just sit there and be absorbed and mesmerized all over again with its nature and beauty and feel alive in heaven again. really, its heaven at your feet :)
and oh yes, now i do know why Elizabeth Gilbert returned to Bali the second time round, and why she loved it so much and why she fell in love with Felipe here. :)
and korea, soon. hehs. xx.
ps: induction letter arrived. FML.
September 8, 2011
The Golden Era :)
i am officially back. back home, back to shithole reality. oh well, then again, life cannot be any better now what with all that major bumming every minute of the day. BLISS! :)
convocation and graduation dinner ended - so much for all the hype. was in KL for that entire week, afterall, i don't know when i'd be back there again. i miss it already :(
preparing for the dinner was crazy. ohh, but surin and i did have a lot of fun in the process. at times i wished i wasn't that fugly. i wished my eyes were bigger, that i had double eyelids so that everyone could see that i have eye shadow on (wtf noone can see it even after hundreds of attempt pfft), i wished i was taller, wished my arms were slimmer (it looked like a feckin drumstick i could chomp on wtf). so much of imperfections even plastics can't save me dear lord.
dinner itself sucked. completely. the chicken, soup, bread, tomatoes, potatoes, drinks were all WRONG. honestly my maggi mee tastes better! i think the only thing we paid for was for its venue and deco. seriously. its a very beautiful, pretty place. but the food and its entrance (it was like going into a construction site its soooo weird?!!) were a total disaster. blergh.
the best part of the entire dinner was how my vision was only 50% BECAUSE I WAS ON CONTACT LENS (because no ordinary contacts could fit my visual prescription, yes that is how retarded my vision is) hahaha! andddddd i was supposed to play the piano and sing. meehhh, managed the entire song without a scratch! (hahaha cakap besar now siaaaa) :D
everyone looked really pretty. and handsome, yes. hot doctors alert yo! :) the pictures will tell the story ;)
my favourite picture of the night. NOT because i photoshopped it, but im so amazed at how flattering we both looked! :D
and here's to convocation.
i literally heaved a sigh of relief as i woke up that morning and every step i took towards IMU Bukit Jalil reminded me of my early days in med school. oh, that sense of melancholy reminiscing the good old days, things were always much simpler when they are less decisions and choices to make, when there are less forks as you thread along that journey towards that one goal. i don't think i was the happiest person on earth that day, i'd say it was my mum and dad. :) and as i walked through those corridors again, as a graduate, i felt that immense sense of achievement, its as if i finally knocked out a giant troll!
couldn't have done it without the very many people i've mentioned in my previous post, so, this, my title, my achievements and success are a tribute to each and everyone of them.
you made it all possible :)
congratulations once again, DOCTORS of IMU C109 :)
ps: holiday posts soon. god i miss bali and korea. :(
convocation and graduation dinner ended - so much for all the hype. was in KL for that entire week, afterall, i don't know when i'd be back there again. i miss it already :(
preparing for the dinner was crazy. ohh, but surin and i did have a lot of fun in the process. at times i wished i wasn't that fugly. i wished my eyes were bigger, that i had double eyelids so that everyone could see that i have eye shadow on (wtf noone can see it even after hundreds of attempt pfft), i wished i was taller, wished my arms were slimmer (it looked like a feckin drumstick i could chomp on wtf). so much of imperfections even plastics can't save me dear lord.
dinner itself sucked. completely. the chicken, soup, bread, tomatoes, potatoes, drinks were all WRONG. honestly my maggi mee tastes better! i think the only thing we paid for was for its venue and deco. seriously. its a very beautiful, pretty place. but the food and its entrance (it was like going into a construction site its soooo weird?!!) were a total disaster. blergh.
the best part of the entire dinner was how my vision was only 50% BECAUSE I WAS ON CONTACT LENS (because no ordinary contacts could fit my visual prescription, yes that is how retarded my vision is) hahaha! andddddd i was supposed to play the piano and sing. meehhh, managed the entire song without a scratch! (hahaha cakap besar now siaaaa) :D
everyone looked really pretty. and handsome, yes. hot doctors alert yo! :) the pictures will tell the story ;)
and here's to convocation.
i literally heaved a sigh of relief as i woke up that morning and every step i took towards IMU Bukit Jalil reminded me of my early days in med school. oh, that sense of melancholy reminiscing the good old days, things were always much simpler when they are less decisions and choices to make, when there are less forks as you thread along that journey towards that one goal. i don't think i was the happiest person on earth that day, i'd say it was my mum and dad. :) and as i walked through those corridors again, as a graduate, i felt that immense sense of achievement, its as if i finally knocked out a giant troll!
couldn't have done it without the very many people i've mentioned in my previous post, so, this, my title, my achievements and success are a tribute to each and everyone of them.
congratulations once again, DOCTORS of IMU C109 :)
ps: holiday posts soon. god i miss bali and korea. :(
August 22, 2011
August 6, 2011
i conquered FOUR SHOPPING MALLS today. all in one day. WTF?!
seriously, when you want something, you can't find it. and when you're not interested in it the blardy thing keeps showing in front of your effin' face. pfft.
shopping for my graduation ball dress and convocation dress have proved to be a pain in the arse. ooohh yes. rolls eyes.
afterall, penang is only, merely an island. blergh. retire early tonight, and gear up for tomorrow again! ho ho ho.
seriously, when you want something, you can't find it. and when you're not interested in it the blardy thing keeps showing in front of your effin' face. pfft.
shopping for my graduation ball dress and convocation dress have proved to be a pain in the arse. ooohh yes. rolls eyes.
afterall, penang is only, merely an island. blergh. retire early tonight, and gear up for tomorrow again! ho ho ho.
August 5, 2011
i will not stop anyone from calling me mabel with the additional DEEE AREEE (DR. you retard) in front. :) because i show off like that :) LOL. jokes jokes.
but no, i am still your average mabel. your average 'student' everyday. because hey, studying medicine doesn't just end right there. it's neverending, as if you haven't already heard.
it's been a whirlwind of emotions. it's been a crazy, rollercoaster ride. FIVE FREAKIN' YEARS. i didn't think i'd last that long. but hey, here i am. crossed the finish line. who said i wouldn't make it? NAH. IN YOUR FACE. nonetheless, i will not deny the fact that there have been umpteennnn times that i just really considered quitting, considered commiting suicide from the balcony of my bukit jalil room on the 23rd floor. kisah benar. so many times that i cried, wishing i had done something else, anything, but medicine. but i knew that there was no turning back and all i could do was to move on, a step at a time. say loads of prayers to God, asking Him to lead me, guide me. He's been my most faithful supporter through these trying times of mine. (ok, and my mum LOL). and i think of all the people's lives that i've made a difference in, and the wonderful friends and just random strangers, inspirational role models that have crossed my path - it gives me strength. so here, i would like to thank a few people (shuddup lah, very typical of me i know but wat the fuck you're reading my blog):
mum: for EVERYTHING that you've provided me with. for your endless love and words of wisdom and encouragement. i am here not because of myself (ok maybe a bit lah harrr) but because of you.
God: for answering my prayers every night. for showing me the way. for loving me.
surin: it's been FIVE YEARS! and YOU have been there for me (i'm sure ive been there for you also tsk) every step of the way. from the first day of medical school, right up till now. the crying sessions, gossipstressrelieving sessions, makan moments, whining moments (only you can hear me whine allll the time - because you whine the same amount also! LOL). and to mummy and daddy, for being my second mummy and daddy. love you much. i'll see you soon.
michelle: whadya know woman. it'll be your turn soon. i wouldn't have done this without you. what with all the boy problems feck them. although we're oceanssss apart (sounds like a dramamama love story), i'm glad we had each other through thick and thin. and the numerous sleep over sessions! :) love you more!
B: i don't know how to call you by name anymore. so weird. 2.5 years, through all the madness. the fights and cries. through the happy, crazy, "exotic" times :D i drove me up the wall all the time, but you always knew your way around me. thank you for being there whenever i was a mess, during my pms moments and for allowing me to violently slap you in your balls (not literally!) when it all gets to crazy. most of all, for believing that i could do anything and for being my number one fan :) love you.
ho wai: my faithful walking encyclopaedia :) what would i have done without you. where would all the fun be?! from you, i've learnt so much, not only from a medical perspective, but life as a whole. how to not learn tai chi to survive in this world! how to not learn how to skip class and not get caught, sleep in the oncall rooms, to divert the lecturer's attention, to divert anything and everything to our own benefit! :D hahaha. you know i love you. thanks for looking out for me always and saving my burnt ass all the time and for bringing me life! :)
housies pik and lump and second housie maya T: my two lesbian partners at home. where would i be releasing my sexual frustrations if not for you guys? :D thank you for everything, we did it! will you all ever call me by my proper name again? :( LOL. always your bo :)
sooiphing: for being the most understanding non-medically related bestfriend i ever had. for believing in me and for your neverending shower of love, care and support. here's to many more penang moments! :)
dr wong: for your patience, guidance (literally spoon feeding me) and words of inspiration. you are nothing but the best friend, best lecturer, and best counsellor and best senior i've ever had. i think i do like nephrology a little bit more ;) thank you for everything.
joel: 'marry me' always makes me smile :) thank you for constantly cheering me along the way and for the random surprises that you do to make my day feel more alive at every single moment. and for being there to hear me out and telling me that i can do it. i did it :) and you will too. i'll wait to hear you bring the same news i brought to you 2 days ago. i have every faith in you! love you much! :)
shaf: for just being you. for calming me down all the time, and for having faith in me. and for all the prayers too! :) wouldn't have done it without you.
everyone in IMU: to the datos (my favourite is youknowwho) for your constant guidance and words of wisdom, i am here today, BECAUSE YOU ALL PASSED ME. rofl. dato, you've been an inspiration and the best teacher i could ever ask for. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
family and friends: to everyone i didnt mention, you know i have you in my heart. for your unwavering support and faith in me, and for sticking by me through it all, i love you! :)
here's to the entire C1/09 batch, here's to us! we all did it. i'm sorry if i were ever a pain in the ass. i'm extremely honored to have been part of the batch. here's to an awesome and bright future for all of us :) YUM SENG! :)
as for me, i shall now retire. clean up my disgustingly terrible room and house with random boxes all over. i will see you all soon. toodles!
August 1, 2011
it's time. to prove that i am worth it. to prove that i've actually done something for the past 5 years. its been 5 years down the road. and it still seems unbelievable and so surreal to me.
in less than 24 hours, judgement day.
wish me luck. pray! i will be home with good news. :)
this goes out to my entire batch, even if we dont see eye to eye, from the bottom of my heart, i hope we all get pass the finishing line together.
someone wise said, the only person to fail you, is yourself.
CHARGEEEEE! :)
in less than 24 hours, judgement day.
wish me luck. pray! i will be home with good news. :)
this goes out to my entire batch, even if we dont see eye to eye, from the bottom of my heart, i hope we all get pass the finishing line together.
someone wise said, the only person to fail you, is yourself.
CHARGEEEEE! :)
July 15, 2011
July 3, 2011
shia my love :)
it's been awhile since i've posted movie reviews in here. :) and transformers 3: dark of the moon is a must! :)
god, how can anyone, ANYONE, deny shia labeouf?! dayummmm!
*spoiler ahead*
i thought it was a good movie. better than the second one, my opinion. shia is just perfect for the role of sam and he plays it so effortlessly. i like how some of the original casts are still here. josh duhamel, john turturro, tyrese gibson, julie white and kevin dunn (plays mom and dad!). i don't think anyone, can bring what megan fox brought to the screen for the previous two movies. now i really do miss her. rosie huntington was so fake! the on-screen chemistry was definitely stronger and wayyyy better between megan and shia (afterall, he did admit to them being together for awhile, didn't he? :) john malkovich was okayyy. what the fuck is patrick dempsey doing in there?! i mean sure, he is hot, very. but why is he the bad guy?! pfft. such an asshole.
i thought the plot was pretty solid. good action, good story, great people, stunning effects and sound .. mmm, just awesome.
as for the autobots, amazing as always. decepticons you suck. and why the fuck is megatron still alive?! did they not tear him into pieces and throw him into the deep blue ocean?! mehh.. bring someone new!
i'd give it a 8/10. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.. congratulations michael bay, for another masterpiece :)
p/s: if shia labeouf is not in transformers 4, i WILL NOT watch it. goodday and goodbye.
god, how can anyone, ANYONE, deny shia labeouf?! dayummmm!
*spoiler ahead*
i thought it was a good movie. better than the second one, my opinion. shia is just perfect for the role of sam and he plays it so effortlessly. i like how some of the original casts are still here. josh duhamel, john turturro, tyrese gibson, julie white and kevin dunn (plays mom and dad!). i don't think anyone, can bring what megan fox brought to the screen for the previous two movies. now i really do miss her. rosie huntington was so fake! the on-screen chemistry was definitely stronger and wayyyy better between megan and shia (afterall, he did admit to them being together for awhile, didn't he? :) john malkovich was okayyy. what the fuck is patrick dempsey doing in there?! i mean sure, he is hot, very. but why is he the bad guy?! pfft. such an asshole.
i thought the plot was pretty solid. good action, good story, great people, stunning effects and sound .. mmm, just awesome.
as for the autobots, amazing as always. decepticons you suck. and why the fuck is megatron still alive?! did they not tear him into pieces and throw him into the deep blue ocean?! mehh.. bring someone new!
i'd give it a 8/10. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.. congratulations michael bay, for another masterpiece :)
p/s: if shia labeouf is not in transformers 4, i WILL NOT watch it. goodday and goodbye.
July 2, 2011
birthday wish list :)
you know this would be coming, don't you ? :D
i figured i should shed some light in here after all the dark, gloomy posts before this. doesn't mean i'm not emo and that i've gotten over everything that's happened. but maybe this is a start. let's hope!
anyways, i don't think i'd be able to go home for the weekend. grumbles. work is overwhelming, portfolios - some to start anew, some for correctionssss (gah!), studying, exams.. geez can't it just stop right here right now?
the only person who has gotten me my gift already is... jeng jeng jeng! koo ho wai of course. have yet to select what i want to buy, but i roughly have an idea! :D
i want .......
1. an ipod/iphone/ipad (thank you very much)
2. a red pointe shoes *hearts*
3. westlife and all things westlife (you. shaddap.)
4. a hugeeeeeeeee angry bird (preferably the red or blue one ehehe.)
5. a marc jacobs 'daisy' perfume!
6. hair curler/straightener
7. Lady Antebellum's new album!
8. a man like Prince William
9. someone to do my portfolios
10. a new lappie! so i can do my work and watch movie on a different screen you have no idea how pathetic i am having to minimise all windows in order to multitask ;(
oklah. i think this would prolly cost a fortune already. jokes aside, what i prolly really want most is to just spend it with the people i love (and of course who loves me back and are not evil to me. haha!).
back to work! feeling a lil lightheaded already. oh the thought of a fracture of the neck of femur! *drowns*
i figured i should shed some light in here after all the dark, gloomy posts before this. doesn't mean i'm not emo and that i've gotten over everything that's happened. but maybe this is a start. let's hope!
anyways, i don't think i'd be able to go home for the weekend. grumbles. work is overwhelming, portfolios - some to start anew, some for correctionssss (gah!), studying, exams.. geez can't it just stop right here right now?
the only person who has gotten me my gift already is... jeng jeng jeng! koo ho wai of course. have yet to select what i want to buy, but i roughly have an idea! :D
i want .......
1. an ipod/iphone/ipad (thank you very much)
2. a red pointe shoes *hearts*
3. westlife and all things westlife (you. shaddap.)
4. a hugeeeeeeeee angry bird (preferably the red or blue one ehehe.)
5. a marc jacobs 'daisy' perfume!
6. hair curler/straightener
7. Lady Antebellum's new album!
8. a man like Prince William
9. someone to do my portfolios
10. a new lappie! so i can do my work and watch movie on a different screen you have no idea how pathetic i am having to minimise all windows in order to multitask ;(
oklah. i think this would prolly cost a fortune already. jokes aside, what i prolly really want most is to just spend it with the people i love (and of course who loves me back and are not evil to me. haha!).
back to work! feeling a lil lightheaded already. oh the thought of a fracture of the neck of femur! *drowns*
June 27, 2011
i wished time would just stop right now. now, before i trip over and plunge into that god forsaken place.
i have chosen the profession that requires all of me. my heart, my soul, my time, and my entire life. it doesn't even matter that i don't have time for myself. but the truth is, i don't even have time for the people i love. my mum. my aunt. my cousins. my niece. my bestest of friends. it really is so difficult for them to get me to just talk and catch up. everyone says my mum calls me ten times in a day. that was once true. but now our conversations have been so scarce and so superficial that all she could ask me within that limited of time was if i had my lunch or dinner.
instead of caring for my loved ones, my life has been dedicated to serve someone else's loved ones.
i'm not hating them. i'm not mad at those who need my help. i'm just pissed and angry at myself. if only i had more than 24 hours in a day.
i miss being home. just with the people i love.
seriously, if none of you are tired of my emo posts, and my never ending woes and wails and cries for help.. well i am. jeez.. why am i such a dumb fuck.
i have chosen the profession that requires all of me. my heart, my soul, my time, and my entire life. it doesn't even matter that i don't have time for myself. but the truth is, i don't even have time for the people i love. my mum. my aunt. my cousins. my niece. my bestest of friends. it really is so difficult for them to get me to just talk and catch up. everyone says my mum calls me ten times in a day. that was once true. but now our conversations have been so scarce and so superficial that all she could ask me within that limited of time was if i had my lunch or dinner.
instead of caring for my loved ones, my life has been dedicated to serve someone else's loved ones.
i'm not hating them. i'm not mad at those who need my help. i'm just pissed and angry at myself. if only i had more than 24 hours in a day.
i miss being home. just with the people i love.
seriously, if none of you are tired of my emo posts, and my never ending woes and wails and cries for help.. well i am. jeez.. why am i such a dumb fuck.
June 22, 2011
this time, last year, you and i were in the UK.
boy do i miss it so much. the non scorching sun, the cold wind, beautiful blooming gorgeous flowers and green grass and the ancient buildings and friendly people.
and us. strolling aalong princes street. the meadows. catching a bus. never-ending weekend trips.
edinburgh wouldn't be the same without you.
boy do i miss it so much. the non scorching sun, the cold wind, beautiful blooming gorgeous flowers and green grass and the ancient buildings and friendly people.
and us. strolling aalong princes street. the meadows. catching a bus. never-ending weekend trips.
edinburgh wouldn't be the same without you.
June 21, 2011
i guess this is it, eh?
it didn't take you very long to forget me. didn't take you very long to get over me. and it didn't take you very long to stop trying.
from the names we used to call each other, to just a nod along the corridors, or our own formal names.
i guess i didn't make quite an impact on you. maybe i am just another ordinary person who's crossed ur paths. but that's really just all.
goodbye.
it didn't take you very long to forget me. didn't take you very long to get over me. and it didn't take you very long to stop trying.
from the names we used to call each other, to just a nod along the corridors, or our own formal names.
i guess i didn't make quite an impact on you. maybe i am just another ordinary person who's crossed ur paths. but that's really just all.
goodbye.
June 15, 2011
why did you have to wait till everything's too late?
why did you have to wait till there's no turning back to say the things i want to hear?
why didn't you fight to keep me? why didn't you treat me the way i deserved to be treated?
why did you have to break my heart again and again and reassure me now with things based on false pretenses?
why didn't you fight for me? fight for us?
it's so easy for me to fall back into what i once knew. so easy for me to fall back into you and believe as if nothing has happened. but i can't. because i know i'd be doing so much of injustice to myself. i don't deserve this. why now, when things have gone out of hand so much, to a point beyond salvage? why only now when i have made up my mind?
i'm afraid. i am so, very afraid. of taking that leap forwards, away from you, away from us. i sat here, having dinner by myself, and i can't stop thinking of what we'd be eating now together, if we were still us. i just want to wallow in self pity. i'm afraid of leaving the things we've shared together, the times we spent just basking in our love, for now, they will only be a piece of memory left, seated deep within a corner of my mind.
" waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing "
why did you have to wait for the rain?
why did you have to wait till there's no turning back to say the things i want to hear?
why didn't you fight to keep me? why didn't you treat me the way i deserved to be treated?
why did you have to break my heart again and again and reassure me now with things based on false pretenses?
why didn't you fight for me? fight for us?
it's so easy for me to fall back into what i once knew. so easy for me to fall back into you and believe as if nothing has happened. but i can't. because i know i'd be doing so much of injustice to myself. i don't deserve this. why now, when things have gone out of hand so much, to a point beyond salvage? why only now when i have made up my mind?
i'm afraid. i am so, very afraid. of taking that leap forwards, away from you, away from us. i sat here, having dinner by myself, and i can't stop thinking of what we'd be eating now together, if we were still us. i just want to wallow in self pity. i'm afraid of leaving the things we've shared together, the times we spent just basking in our love, for now, they will only be a piece of memory left, seated deep within a corner of my mind.
" waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing "
why did you have to wait for the rain?
June 14, 2011
i wrote to you and i said, i don't know you anymore and that scares me.
it scares me because i thought i once knew you. what happened to the times that i had always known what you wanted, your thoughts, and what you were gonna do next. people change without them realising it, doesn't matter good or bad, you somehow, become a stranger to another. you may deny and put it to argue with your unfathomable opinions and thoughts. but i feel it. i feel the change.
i've never felt so much hurt and pain before. every thought of you, or at every mention of your name or face, i feel that stab, sunked deep into the core of my beating heart.
i need to get used to not hearing from you anymore, or waiting ror you to text, or call to ask what i feel like eating for dinners, or just you telling me what you were up to and asking how my day was. then again, its been ages, or so it seems, that we last did all that. i am getting there.
i asked myself hundreds and millions of times, if there was anything i could have done differently, or if there was any way i could've made you see me, hear me, or change the course of this relationship that has driven us both apart. and i realised that there was none. i have tried my best. i once gave up trying to change you a year and a half ago, but i came back because i wanted it to work so badly. but i guess, now i have to come to terms with the fact that you can't mix both tea and chocolate together. you and i will never come to a compromise. i believe in what i stand for and what i preach while you will forever be at the very end, clueless of who i am, what i am.
another 6 more weeks and we're going separate ways. i should've read this sign a long time ago. that you will never come home with me, that we will soon be far apart, drowned in our new social circle and the never-ending workload.
if we can't even make it now, i don't see how we can make it in the future.
it scares me because i thought i once knew you. what happened to the times that i had always known what you wanted, your thoughts, and what you were gonna do next. people change without them realising it, doesn't matter good or bad, you somehow, become a stranger to another. you may deny and put it to argue with your unfathomable opinions and thoughts. but i feel it. i feel the change.
i've never felt so much hurt and pain before. every thought of you, or at every mention of your name or face, i feel that stab, sunked deep into the core of my beating heart.
i need to get used to not hearing from you anymore, or waiting ror you to text, or call to ask what i feel like eating for dinners, or just you telling me what you were up to and asking how my day was. then again, its been ages, or so it seems, that we last did all that. i am getting there.
i asked myself hundreds and millions of times, if there was anything i could have done differently, or if there was any way i could've made you see me, hear me, or change the course of this relationship that has driven us both apart. and i realised that there was none. i have tried my best. i once gave up trying to change you a year and a half ago, but i came back because i wanted it to work so badly. but i guess, now i have to come to terms with the fact that you can't mix both tea and chocolate together. you and i will never come to a compromise. i believe in what i stand for and what i preach while you will forever be at the very end, clueless of who i am, what i am.
another 6 more weeks and we're going separate ways. i should've read this sign a long time ago. that you will never come home with me, that we will soon be far apart, drowned in our new social circle and the never-ending workload.
if we can't even make it now, i don't see how we can make it in the future.
June 12, 2011
i'm sure everyone's afraid of being lonely. i know i am. so are you.
i just didn't think that that would be the reason why you held me for so long and allowed me to drown into you like a hopeless victim of a shattered love.
two years of heartache and never-ending screams and cries in a feeble attempt to make you and i work. i just didn't want to take no for an answer. two years down the road, you and i happened. and then the idea of commitment got brutally murdered.
i have tried. i have given in everything i have and own. i wanted it so badly i was ready to give up my entire life for you. i guess i have finally come to accept that you and i were never meant to be. now noone, including myself, would ever blame me for not trying, for not putting up a fight, for not taking matters of fate into my hands. i did. for a long, long time.
they say you can never mend a broken heart. and its true. because you have ripped it all away from me, my heart, my mind, my soul and myself.
i just want to rest. finally.
i just didn't think that that would be the reason why you held me for so long and allowed me to drown into you like a hopeless victim of a shattered love.
two years of heartache and never-ending screams and cries in a feeble attempt to make you and i work. i just didn't want to take no for an answer. two years down the road, you and i happened. and then the idea of commitment got brutally murdered.
i have tried. i have given in everything i have and own. i wanted it so badly i was ready to give up my entire life for you. i guess i have finally come to accept that you and i were never meant to be. now noone, including myself, would ever blame me for not trying, for not putting up a fight, for not taking matters of fate into my hands. i did. for a long, long time.
they say you can never mend a broken heart. and its true. because you have ripped it all away from me, my heart, my mind, my soul and myself.
i just want to rest. finally.
June 11, 2011
June 3, 2011
May 29, 2011
May 24, 2011
Gah! ObsGyn is DRAINING me. this is prolly the only free time i'll ever get ever again throughout this whole week.
it's made me think in a lot of ways. like how i definitely dont want to do O&G at any point in my life anymore. i mean i realise i'm only interested in the babies when they're out and i forget about the mother (at times more like i don't really care heeh!) and the numerous medicolegal issues (dr kathir made it so real today it really freaked me out) and the fact that every obstetrician is loose in the head. seriously.
it prolly is just too demanding to my liking. sure, i guess my life has to be dedicated to my patients. but i only have 24 hours in a day. and i am just as human as anyone else, like each of my patients too. if i don't even have time to take care of myself how am i supposed to care for them. i just suddenly found my abilities so limited :(
then again, things will get a lot more worse in the next few weeks, months and years to come. the ugly truth and reality about working in our government hospital setting.
and as dr kathir says, GET MARRIED SOON. ;)
it's made me think in a lot of ways. like how i definitely dont want to do O&G at any point in my life anymore. i mean i realise i'm only interested in the babies when they're out and i forget about the mother (at times more like i don't really care heeh!) and the numerous medicolegal issues (dr kathir made it so real today it really freaked me out) and the fact that every obstetrician is loose in the head. seriously.
it prolly is just too demanding to my liking. sure, i guess my life has to be dedicated to my patients. but i only have 24 hours in a day. and i am just as human as anyone else, like each of my patients too. if i don't even have time to take care of myself how am i supposed to care for them. i just suddenly found my abilities so limited :(
then again, things will get a lot more worse in the next few weeks, months and years to come. the ugly truth and reality about working in our government hospital setting.
and as dr kathir says, GET MARRIED SOON. ;)
May 2, 2011
when we're happy, we're truly happy being together. and i remember why i loved him in the first place - he makes me laugh like no other :)
i remember telling him that night when we fought, to carry on with his own plans in life, and just don't include me in it because i don't ever want to be part of it anymore because i would ocassionally get so fed up and upset. and i was just angry. pissed. and then he said, "but all along, my plan was you".
i love you.
April 30, 2011
doesn't matter anymore now. your promises remain as lies. your sorrys are merely just words uttered in a feeble attempt to get your way back into me. it don't matter anymore. because you won't ever get it. you won't ever see the flaws within your own self. i can only do this much. i am limited afterall. i don't have so many chances to give, i don't have a lifetime to wait. i am not God.
sure, we're happy a lot of the times, but we're also fighting most of the time. i can only be amazed at how many a times i've forgiven you and taken you back into my life. like i said, there is always a limit. to everything. a woman should never have been treated such by a man, let alone multiple unforgiving times. its sad to see how i am such a fool. an idiot who has succumbed to her own actions and foolish thoughts.
then again, people do stupid foolish things when they're in love. maybe it is time for me to take a step back and look at the bigger picture on the other things that i'm missing in life. by then, it probably won't be you anymore.
sure, we're happy a lot of the times, but we're also fighting most of the time. i can only be amazed at how many a times i've forgiven you and taken you back into my life. like i said, there is always a limit. to everything. a woman should never have been treated such by a man, let alone multiple unforgiving times. its sad to see how i am such a fool. an idiot who has succumbed to her own actions and foolish thoughts.
then again, people do stupid foolish things when they're in love. maybe it is time for me to take a step back and look at the bigger picture on the other things that i'm missing in life. by then, it probably won't be you anymore.
April 9, 2011
March 31, 2011
March 20, 2011
i love that feeling of anticipating for someone, knowing that they'll be here at your end soon. i love that feeling of how they're finally here, and you drive out to pick them up. i love that feeling of how there's so much things you can do with them, even if it's just hanging around at home not doing anything productive.
i love how my mum's here over the weekend. it feels like its been ages since i've gone home. its only been 3 weeks, coming to 4. but maybe its because i've never really gotten that longgggg break at home after an exhausting final exams.
but i hate how she had to leave for home. 800 km away from where i am. i don't suppose i'm ok. i hate sending her down to the cab and watching as it drives out of sight. and then when you come up to the room, it feels empty. just you and that silence. and maybe that youtube video that you'd play it over and over again.
home. 4 days. :)
i love how my mum's here over the weekend. it feels like its been ages since i've gone home. its only been 3 weeks, coming to 4. but maybe its because i've never really gotten that longgggg break at home after an exhausting final exams.
but i hate how she had to leave for home. 800 km away from where i am. i don't suppose i'm ok. i hate sending her down to the cab and watching as it drives out of sight. and then when you come up to the room, it feels empty. just you and that silence. and maybe that youtube video that you'd play it over and over again.
home. 4 days. :)
March 14, 2011
March 8, 2011
March 4, 2011
one week down. it really is fast. and i'm tired already.
adjustment disorder? TOTALLY.
i really do like this town a lot better than seremban (apart from the fact that its further away from home and so i dont get to go home that often and even if i could i wouldnt know how to because everything is so far away and driving takes forever). still trying to get around the place, getting familiar with things, especially mandarin! i must say my mandarin isn't all thattttt bad (LOL!).
i dont know why but i just dont feel like doing anything at all. its either things still haven't quite settled in, or is it because of the overwhelming workload that i'd rather have to run away from it or is it the fact that i'm horribly ill now. farrrrrrking cold and sinusitis and cough shitz (what more combinations can anyone ever ask for?)
i wished he didn't have to go home this week :( i had in my mind even at the start of the week of the things we could do, it's almost like i planned it out so perfectly well already. that japanese restaurant we must must must go to! :) he and i both have this weird taste for japanese food. heh. and then i'd like to bring him shopping (not that batu pahat has a lot of choices to offer but mehhhhh, better than none - secretly waiting for singapore!) because he so needs a wardrobe makeover! then again, it's ok. i suppose we have forever. :)
why am i tired all the time again? growls. i wished i was more UP AND ABOUT! mehhhh.
maya's birthday tonight. two movies tomorrow. and a portfolio to write up (SO SOONNNN??! YES LAH WAT THE FARKKKK).
ps: i miss you already. i missed you yesterday. today. tomorrow. and always ♥
adjustment disorder? TOTALLY.
i really do like this town a lot better than seremban (apart from the fact that its further away from home and so i dont get to go home that often and even if i could i wouldnt know how to because everything is so far away and driving takes forever). still trying to get around the place, getting familiar with things, especially mandarin! i must say my mandarin isn't all thattttt bad (LOL!).
i dont know why but i just dont feel like doing anything at all. its either things still haven't quite settled in, or is it because of the overwhelming workload that i'd rather have to run away from it or is it the fact that i'm horribly ill now. farrrrrrking cold and sinusitis and cough shitz (what more combinations can anyone ever ask for?)
i wished he didn't have to go home this week :( i had in my mind even at the start of the week of the things we could do, it's almost like i planned it out so perfectly well already. that japanese restaurant we must must must go to! :) he and i both have this weird taste for japanese food. heh. and then i'd like to bring him shopping (not that batu pahat has a lot of choices to offer but mehhhhh, better than none - secretly waiting for singapore!) because he so needs a wardrobe makeover! then again, it's ok. i suppose we have forever. :)
why am i tired all the time again? growls. i wished i was more UP AND ABOUT! mehhhh.
maya's birthday tonight. two movies tomorrow. and a portfolio to write up (SO SOONNNN??! YES LAH WAT THE FARKKKK).
ps: i miss you already. i missed you yesterday. today. tomorrow. and always ♥
March 1, 2011
so yes, i passed semester 9. already in semester 10. and it only gets tougher.
shifting to batu pahat here wasn't easy at all. growls. im glad i had mummy and daddy with me :)
and then i had to fall sick and be completely lightheaded and tired and headache with a stupid stuffed nose its irritating!
i wished we were given more time to adjust to things around here and not just throw at us the psychotically heavy workload immediately. sighs.
i do like my new house. my new room. the better food and a wide array of choices to pick from! :)
i only wished he would spend a few minutes of his busy life with me. am i not worth that 15 minutes out of his life?
shifting to batu pahat here wasn't easy at all. growls. im glad i had mummy and daddy with me :)
and then i had to fall sick and be completely lightheaded and tired and headache with a stupid stuffed nose its irritating!
i wished we were given more time to adjust to things around here and not just throw at us the psychotically heavy workload immediately. sighs.
i do like my new house. my new room. the better food and a wide array of choices to pick from! :)
i only wished he would spend a few minutes of his busy life with me. am i not worth that 15 minutes out of his life?
February 17, 2011
February 15, 2011
February 8, 2011
tomorrow is THE day.
judgement day.
i don't know if what i've been working for for these years is enough to take me through my final race. to grasp hold of that vision so vaguely placed in my hands.
i hope it is. and so i pray. every minute along the way.
i'll see everyone again soon. its been a while. 2 weeks. :)
judgement day.
i don't know if what i've been working for for these years is enough to take me through my final race. to grasp hold of that vision so vaguely placed in my hands.
i hope it is. and so i pray. every minute along the way.
i'll see everyone again soon. its been a while. 2 weeks. :)
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