a horrible end to the year.

but a beautiful start to the new year :)

gotta love life's dramas eh?

christmas was good. rach invited me to join in the CF christmas caroling in the paediatric wards :) that feeling of making these kids' day a little brighter is extremely irreplaceable. and we've got goodies for them too!

                                                                  the caroling group!
 

                                                                     cute little boy! :)

 and then christmas eve was awesome too! drinking session with my bestie at straits. straits was just amazingly beautiful. and people were crazy! oh wells, its the company that matters :)

new year's eve was ALSO at straits quay. its the most happening place here in penang whadya expect! :) the best part about it was that the three of us (my male besties since puberty age) were together there. we' ve come a long way, haven't we? :)

then came my favourite event of the year. summed up an awesome year! my cousin brother's wedding :) been waiting for a long longggg time since my cousin sister's 3 years ago. another one coming up soon, i hope! 

                                                                       my little girl ♥

                                            

                                                                         the couple

                                                                       la familia  :)

its been a great year thus far. Batu Pahat. passing EOS10. graduation. holiday trips to Bali and Korea. definitely NOT work (but work's work fuck it). and yes. :)

new year's resolution? the losing weight part will always be there LOL. but um, haven't sorted things out yet. so we'll see :)

work again tomorrow, night people!

things can't get anymore easier, can they?

men can't get anymore less complicated too, can they?

why now. why is everything happening now. why.

i mean seriously, can't you just shut your fucking mouth up and tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me and you'll give me all the love and happiness in the world and then actually do and show it?

and i thought women have period issues to deal with. pfft.

i'm scared.

i don't know if i can bear the consequences of the decision i just made.

why do i do this to myself all the time. why do i need to beat myself up.

i want for us to do this together as much as you do. i dont want to lose you.

but what if this is for the better. what if things are meant to turn out as such.

haven't i already run this through my head a million times.

why am i still at where i stood since forever?

today's the only off day i get, like a real proper one, not a postcall one, after 6 weeks of work. seriously. why hasn't anyone complained about how this is all against labour law?! RAWR!

                                                                   the off-day face :)

my life has gotten so mundane and boring that there really isn't much to write in here. sighs. everyday is just a repetition of the same cycle: get up and yell fuck you --> work and get screwed --> come home and eat the hell out of myself --> sleep like a pig. and it repeats itself the next day.

                                                        one of the better days at work :)

the only salvations to my poor, broken soul are the comfort of home and mum, the very few people i hangout with here ( actually i think theres only you and you lols ), playing my music with my piano and guitar, tv, and facebook! :)

lunch appointments, dinner hangouts, coffee hangouts, i mean these things make me look forward to the week, which i think is exceptionally essential after all that shit i get from work. happy :)

oh, my pay came in! some miniscule amount, but ok, what can i say? can't complain. life is life. can't wait till i pass that mrcpch and shove it in the pm's face. everyone i know seems to be waiting for my pay day LOL. ive got a date at kampachi, another with my best friend, and my aunt cant stop bugging me to bring her to the market (she's an aunty, what can i say) and for breakfast. and the bills at home! reality check. gahs.

 

 lunch!

                       sooi's sister's wedding dinner! i miss dressing up, make-ups and high heels! :)

i miss you.

everyday.

♥

i don't want to jinx it.

but work has so far been fairly ok. it's just the part of having to get up at 5am, beat myself at it, drag myself (literally) out of my bed and walking into the oh so depressing hospital. the smell of it makes me sick all the time.

my ward has been great so far, very much thanks to the help i get from my super seniors. liang wei (my professor like sifu!), firdaus, nasir and fazrul. yes, i was the only teeny weeny female amongst my androgenic bunch of colleagues. theyve taught me so much and have made my life so much easier!

i don't want to move to another ward tomorrow! :( females are always a tough lot to handle blergh. the oh so many pms moments.

please do continue to be kind to me!

i literally drag myself up every morning. and every part of me just cries in pain.

this transition from medical school and holidays, to these somewhat absurdly ridiculous and agonizing days, just kills every part of me - it feels like cancer.

don't have to remind me how i need to stop complaining and whining like geezgetalife. i'd have to work and bring the money home some day soon. and unfortunately that day has arrived. its my responsibility. its my life. i get all that.

but everytime i look back and ponder on my times in university, with you and you you you you and you, and the things we did, the laughs we laughed and the crazy shits we shared. those crazy exam moments where we had each other all the time. and that one goal that we all had. my heart would twitch. and i'd sink back into these memories etched in my heart.

the best times of my life has got to be the ones in imu. edinburgh. uk. dato's classes. even eos. holidays. bali.

as of this point, i don't know how to continue living and pretending as if everything is ok. it isn't. but i do know that i need to stop living in my past, i've got to move on.

move on, how? i've yet to figure that out. one day.

how do you pick up the pieces of the life you once knew?