why did you have to wait till everything's too late?

why did you have to wait till there's no turning back to say the things i want to hear?

why didn't you fight to keep me? why didn't you treat me the way i deserved to be treated?

why did you have to break my heart again and again and reassure me now with things based on false pretenses?

why didn't you fight for me? fight for us?

it's so easy for me to fall back into what i once knew. so easy for me to fall back into you and believe as if nothing has happened. but i can't. because i know i'd be doing so much of injustice to myself. i don't deserve this. why now, when things have gone  out of hand so much, to a point beyond salvage? why only now when i have made up my mind?

i'm afraid. i am so, very afraid. of taking that leap forwards, away from you, away from us. i sat here, having dinner by myself, and i can't stop thinking of what we'd be eating now together, if we were still us. i just want to wallow in self pity. i'm afraid of leaving the things we've shared together, the times we spent just basking in our love, for now, they will only be a piece of memory left, seated deep within a corner of my mind.

" waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing "

why did you have to wait for the rain?