i miss you.

everyday.

♥

i don't want to jinx it.

but work has so far been fairly ok. it's just the part of having to get up at 5am, beat myself at it, drag myself (literally) out of my bed and walking into the oh so depressing hospital. the smell of it makes me sick all the time.

my ward has been great so far, very much thanks to the help i get from my super seniors. liang wei (my professor like sifu!), firdaus, nasir and fazrul. yes, i was the only teeny weeny female amongst my androgenic bunch of colleagues. theyve taught me so much and have made my life so much easier!

i don't want to move to another ward tomorrow! :( females are always a tough lot to handle blergh. the oh so many pms moments.

please do continue to be kind to me!

i literally drag myself up every morning. and every part of me just cries in pain.

this transition from medical school and holidays, to these somewhat absurdly ridiculous and agonizing days, just kills every part of me - it feels like cancer.

don't have to remind me how i need to stop complaining and whining like geezgetalife. i'd have to work and bring the money home some day soon. and unfortunately that day has arrived. its my responsibility. its my life. i get all that.

but everytime i look back and ponder on my times in university, with you and you you you you and you, and the things we did, the laughs we laughed and the crazy shits we shared. those crazy exam moments where we had each other all the time. and that one goal that we all had. my heart would twitch. and i'd sink back into these memories etched in my heart.

the best times of my life has got to be the ones in imu. edinburgh. uk. dato's classes. even eos. holidays. bali.

as of this point, i don't know how to continue living and pretending as if everything is ok. it isn't. but i do know that i need to stop living in my past, i've got to move on.

move on, how? i've yet to figure that out. one day.

how do you pick up the pieces of the life you once knew?

there isn't a day that i don't regret doing this. none.

i don't get why im working my ass off for this.

a little bit of gratitude and appreciation would go a long way. thanks.

i would relive my imu days all over again no matter how painstaking it was it isnt as painstaking as this is.

i wished everyday was graduation day.

i wished everyday was bali with him.

i wished everyday was korea.

i wished everyday he was with me, at every step of my way.

i wished he was here.

i miss you babe :(

induction came and go. i wished work would come and go too. gah!

and so i will be stuck here at home, penang.. for the next 2 years, until i finally find "my place" and until i figure out what to do with my life and career or maybe until i find a rich man and just marry him. :) lifelong ambition really!

to say that i'm completely elated at the fact that i'd be serving my own hometown.. i'm not quite sure i really am that excited and oooohhh!-like. there's just too many doubts, too many questions, and too many worries that's running through my mind as i step into this uncharted sea of work.

most of all, i know i miss him like crazy. people ask why he isn't coming along with you. shrugs. i don't even know it myself. family commitments? its prolly the only more comforting reason i can tell myself everyday. sara asked me if we are going to work things out the long distance way (fuck i hate LDRs - never believed in them), we will. the plans haven't quite settled in yet because we don't know how the work load and schedules are going to be like, and until then, we'll wait for that day to see each other again. :)

wish me luck guys. isn't it crazy? from school, to college, imu, and now hospital pulau pinang wtf.

pray.

i love you b. i'll see you soon, promise.

to all my sisters and bitches (in a friendly way) out there, we'll do this together, and we'll see each other again soon. promise!