diwali night came and go. i've never been busier this past week. ward work and classes taking up most of my days and night practices for the dance. loved it :)

the exam fever hasn't quite settled in yet. hence the daily routine of catching up with my tv series and youtubing and doing absolute complete nonsense here in my room. procrastination has taken over me. not like it hasn't been this way all along, in fact it's always been this way. shucks. i keep telling myself that it's 8 months to graduation. and 10 months to hell. afterall, housemanship IS hell. oh the thought of it.

things haven't quite gone the way i wanted it to. the past weeks were a torture to live in. i can't even begin telling the story of what how why when. but it just wasn't right. but it was always this question: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? not just for him. of course partly it was for him. but it was also me, as a friend. am i not good enough for my friends. am i not good enough for the people i love (or i thought who loved me back as well) ? why do i have to try so hard?

ho wai said i should write about happy, silly things here. because everyone seems to know what i would write about already. it's just him. and him. and him. and my life. even iiiii am getting bored of myself.

ohhh! hahaha! :) you'll love this. some of you who knows this other him. maya called me (cos she couldn't wait any longer) and told me about how he went for a hair loss program and became one of that company's testimonial figure. and it's all over midvalley's billboard!! ahahah. good lord. and surin couldn't wait to send me the link of the website and god was he FUGLY. i think i seriously need to pick my guys properly. geez. such a poser! who the hell would want to tell the world about how little hair he had?! and dude, you're a doctor HELLOOOOO?! ahhh but then again, how else would we get the chance to laugh and be happy about it? TERATOMA :D

anyways the reason why i blocked my blog here from everyone (who are NOT my friends) is because i think i've had enough of rumours going around. i just hate how people can interpret one single line that i've written here into something so hideous and totally uncalled for which is absolutely absurd and bollocks! seriously some people just need to learn to shut their fucking mouths up and stop speculating about what's going on with the other person's life. dude, if you want to know, ASK ME! duhhh. i mean ocassionally i don't even understand what i write here. so HOW CAN YOU BE ME?! freak. and another main reason why i decided to not let him read it is because it didn't make any difference to us. he just reads it and goes oh ok. "???" it's not like he understands how i feel or what's been happening actually. so it's irritating the hell out of me.

so if you can read this - then you're my friend ;)

i'm putting on weight! NOOOOOO :( i've started going to the gym with ho wai and joel. oklah, they go more than i do lah. but hahahh! it's because of the dance practices! ok i'll start again soon :D and yoga :) me loves. i need to be able to do my splits again!

i've just started my tumblr though. you can check it out if you'd like :) livelife-loud.tumblr.com :)