Another Week, Another Weekend

i did my first placenta delivery today! :) and examined it myself :) with dr shirley. too bad dr edwin wasn't there otherwise i'm sure he'd be telling me about a lot of stuff. nonetheless, i did it :) that warm gush of blood that spilled onto my hands!! ooohh!! the placenta is really soft and slimey and gooey (as ho wai puts it). it feels really good to be able to do something. i think obs is the one posting where i have over 30 entries of procedures in my logbook :)

as much as a i love the weekends, there's this part of me that doesn't really quite like it. i mean there is absolutely no valid reason why one shouldn't like the weekend because that's when you rewind and relax and just chill. but. here in seremban, 80% of us leave this damned place for home because theirs is 45 mins away. while mine is 5 hours away. if i had all the money in the world, i would take the flight back every weekend. if only. it just feels really empty here when all is gone. like as if it isn't bad enough that i know seremban is really not exactly that lively, they all have to leave while i just envy everyone in silence and cry and wished i could so easily drive home every weekend too. this is the part when i miss mummy and daddy. and that place called home. if only it wasn't that far away. i think i am just that kind of person who never wants to feel lonely.

the whole week just went by in a snap. i've done so many things. seen so many things. seen my first caesarean section. and then a second for a breech presentation. REALLY COOL. she literally pulled the whole uterus out, together with the fallopian tubesss!! :S and i did my first female catheterization thanks to dr edwin :) and i assisted in a delivery. watched so many episiotomies being done. and repair of tears. sutures. setting of iv lines. observing amniotomy. epidural anaesthesia!! ALL IN A WEEK. very productive and happy. wished it didn't have to end :(

next week is hell. and so is the following week. i don't want to know. i'm scared. i just want to go home and escape all of these.

i wished i didn't have so much on my mind. i just wished i could concentrate on one thing. things just doesn't get any better.

if only i knew what i want. if only i knew what he wants.

i miss mich too. :(

EDINBURGHHH!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMGOMOGMOGMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMGOMO!!!!!

IM GOING TO EDINBURGH NEXT JULY!!! SO EXCITEDDDDD!!!

fuhhh! i finally got my letter :) i have never felt any more elated in my life! (ok other than finding out that the guy whom i like likes me back too but thats beside the point)

yes! i can't wait to go. i can't wait to book my flight and get my accomodation. i can't wait to get my visa done. i can't wait to see the world!!! :)

and yesss! i can't wait to go with him! :)

Mad

one word to describe the week.

one word to rule it all.

EXHAUSTED LAHHH!! (ok, that's 2 but whatever)

growls!

i've never been so lifeless honestly. last week was all work and no fun. getting up at 6 am. be in the ward by 630 am. on-call every night. from 7 to 11pm. clerking 7 patients per day. i feel so mechanical already.

my pimples keep springing up like like flowers in summer. rolls eyes. i am now embarrassed to even look up. its amazing what 4 fugly red bumps can do to your self-esteem.

i'm tired. i need to recuperate. breathe. and then learn how to live again.

and we've been doing good :) so far. *hearts* him :)

Too Tired To Try

i'm tired of lifting my hopes up high just to have it crumble down on me

i'm tired of wanting things so badly that i'm wasting my time just thinking about it

i'm tired of trying and trying only to end up being nowhere

i'm tired of keeping faith and then losing it all over again

i'm tired of having to pick myself up and look at the world around me again

i'm tired of trying to prove the things i want to prove only to let them see that i can't do it

i'm tired of crying

i'm tired of pushing

i'm tired of everything!

And Counting...

yesterday was 3 months.

92 days to be exact.

next tuesday is a 100 days :)

i don't know how to tell you that i'd love for you to remember it.

i am only a girl afterall.

but i want to live through it with you.

and i know we will survive ♥

All Over Again

and again. it's the same.

paediatrics posting ended. didn't feel like 5 weeks.

loved every minute of it.

exam didn't turn out good.

prof didn't make it any easier.

wished it didn't feel the same like it did 6 weeks ago.

So You Think You're So Tough?

if you can be selfish. so can i. i deserve every right to be.

it's ok. i'm used to having people push me around. but it's fine.

i will do it. i will get through it.

and then you can tell the whole world what i did.

suck that.