Just Close The Other Eye

it feels routined now to feel disappointment. after every exam. after every eop. there is not one that you'd go "okkk i think i might have just done fine."

NONE.

Let It Fall Like Rain

it's been a week. funny. cos it doesn't feel that way at all.

it's been 2 weeks. coming to 3. tomorrow is the 3rd week.

i don't know if things could go back to where and how it was before.

you know when it's going nowhere when it reaches that plateau and the world becomes static.

void of all movements.

and you can't ask.

because when you do, you appear desperate.

you're needy.

you're gasping.

that heavy breathing is all you hear.

you are neither in or out.

if only you would care to know how it feels.

how this feels.

how i feel.

i'm tired of working.

i'm tired of thinking.

i need to lay me to rest.

but i can't.

i don't know how.

that deep dark abyss surrounds me in silence.

that facade failed.

you see it all.

and i cry in pain.

That Girl Who Turned 21

i know this post is long overdued. and i am truly sorry. blame those who held on to the pics for a century! LOL. ok you know i love you despite all that. hee!

so anyways, my beloved car pool gang, lumpy lams, the ho, the ohh, the pik, the chicken, and bo...

they threw me a surprise mini birthday party! =)

the cupcakes were really good actually! but what is most important was that i spent the midnight with 6 of my favourite people. friends that i wouldn't trade anything for =) THANK YOU so much. from the bottom of my heart. you know you are loved.


and to those who made my 21st birthday bash the best memory i will ever have of my previous ones and those yet to come,

THANK YOU again for gracing my red carpet event. LOL. =D you people are fantabulous!

food was good, i hope? and the place is just beautiful. even more so because of you guys. feels weird to be 21. *shucks* hee!

to mum and dad, who made it all possible. for coming down all the way from home. and for arranging everything. i know i've been a pain in the arse for the past 21 years and i think i still will be? =) but you both would have to be the greatest gift God could ever give me. i love you both! ♥♥♥♥


my favourite people =)


my car pool gang! =) *hearts hearts hearts hearts* ♥♥♥♥


mich, my darling, that necklace and earrings will definitely make me so hot hot hot hot that every guy passing by would stop to stare. LOL. they are SO SO SO BEAUTIFUL you have no idea how much i love it. i stare at it every single day ok. i swear! i don't know why you know me so well =) i love you with all my heart and forever and always.

lams, for that wonderful dinner bag =) now i don't have to go around asking for a silver one anymore! and that exceptionally GORGEOUS anklet! love u more =)

surin, for always being that thoughtful person that you are. i am touched. can't believe you remembered. love u more =)

ho, for giving me my NUMBER 1 WISH LIST! you are insane! you made me shout in the carpark like some psycho maniac! but you have no idea how grateful i am and how much i love it to bits. you just drove me into the assylum. love u forever ever!!

kw, i told you i didn't care what you'd buy me because i would love anything u give me. i sure did. for all that trouble you've gone through just to get me that, love u always till the day i die!! and that billabong sandals!!!! *melts*

pik, for that lovely, sweet baby doll dress you gave me. i adore it to bits really! and i would definitely wear it again and again and again that you'd think i have no other dresses to wear LOL. and i'm still keeping that wrapper and its beautiful green bow! (although someone said it looked like tissue papers LOL but i say no!) they're gorgeous anyhow. love you my shooting pellets!! mwahhh!!

maya and sundar, the perfume smells utterly good! although i know i smell bad. hee! i still love u both =)

kar, for that wonderful novel. you knew i just couldn't put any good book down, don't u. and for that sleepless night trying to come up with the perfect message in it. loved it to bits. love u to bits too! and YES THOSE KRISPY KREMES WERE FABULOSO, GREAT, YUMMY AND AMAZINGLY GOOD! and for that, you deserve another round of love from me =) enough kah? LOL

cat, cmei, kelly, charlotte, for that pretty ballerina musical box! it's by my bedside now just so you know =) thank you so much for being there for me throughout the years. love you all!

fen, cheng ling and cheng jun, for that exceptionally cute music box and that pretty little bracelet. i love them both! =)


and to my cousins and aunts and uncles, for that insanely good looking alain delon pen you bought me, that number of angpaus, that beautiful key-shaped necklace and that beautifully unique silver bracelet. i love them all! =)

and mummy and daddy again, for bringing Sasha into my life, QAF 1009 and my htc =)

i am overwhelmed with tears at this very moment. utterly speechless. my 21st birthday celebrations have been an absolute blast. thanks to all who made it happen for me!

i know i am loved =) ♥♥♥♥

ps: thank you see mei, my papa, for being my personal photographer of the day, for taking so many beautifullllllll pics of the ppl i love :) thank you fr the bottom of my heart! me love u!!!!

Where Do We Go From Here?

she pondered, wandered. to that familiar crossroad once again. haven't she already been here before? why does it feel like it's only been a circle. why is it still the same. that same emotion. that familiar question. that predictable consequence. that known fact. in that very same place, same person.

the wall came crumbling down. her defense lowered. she says, "set me free. set me free".

he would not listen.

she's caught.

3...2...1 !!

and the drums begin to roll....




bye bye to those teeny years! *confetti*

ok technically i should grow up but i don't think i ever will =) LOL

thank you ho wai, lams, kah weng, surin, sara, maya and sundar for loving me!! =D

i love you too =)

Beautiful Saturday =)

sigh. the past week was totally unproductive. the only exception being the fact that my patient is such a sweetheart uncle, and his family as well that i learnt a lot from him. medically, and on whole as a person. absolutely beautiful family. i can't help but wonder why would God take a few years away from such a wonderful person.

and yesterday, we went to Kg Tekir. they were all orang aslis. if you're imagining people with nothing on but banana leaves, then you're absolutely wrong. because they wear clothes like we do. LOL. maybe just a little deprived of medical care and astro and satellite dishes and i don't know. hygiene maybe? but other than that, they're really no different than any of us.



the short trip into their little kampungs were really thrilling! ooooohhh!! =) we got to sit in one of those huge tractors which were supposed to be taking in palm oil plantation workers. so it gave us that refugees-like feeling that we all found excitement in. weird, but true.


so we assessed the children's nutritional status, their growth and performed an overall examination. and it was really fun to interact with them because they're just so adorable! there was this really OBESE little baby and he was so so so SO SO cute. i really really enjoyed it despite all the sweating and dirt and dust.


it was really tiring, but it was also a perfect opportunity at least for me, to realise that there are so many less fortunate people and children out there that the very little things that we can do and offer would make such a huge difference in their lives. all it takes is just that little bit of effort and time.

ain't that difficult, no?