i only want to be happy

i didn't think i would ever say this. BUT.

i think i really enjoyed my obs posting. i mean a lot of people have said that before. i just never thought i'd be feeling the same way about it too. if they hadn't give me a hard time, i think it would be a really, really good posting for me.

i really do enjoy my whole labour room week. because for once in my life, or in my entire med school life, i feel USEFUL. i feel like i could actually DO SOMETHING. like now i know how to deliver a placenta, how to examine it, how to examine a neonate, how to deliver a baby, how to perform female catheterization (it's really really easy and cool!) and i've done so many vaginal examinations although you need to pardon my extremely short fingers cos i was not congenitally born to be an obstetrician aherm. so yes, i've learnt so much from that 1 week that when it ended, i was almost depressed. and i have so many doctors to be thankful for. so thank you :)

sigh. all i really want, is to have this posting to end in a good way. i mean, to end in a favourable, likeable, happy way. because i was so depressed with how my favourite paeds posting ended. i just don't want that for this. i mean i'm trying really hard. i'm really giving it my best. although i still feel like i haven't grasped things really well yet, but i really am trying. when will it ever be enough, i don't know.

anyways, next week is exam week. i know that there's a reason for everything that has happened. just, please, God, be with me. i've never asked for anything much, but just this once, please let me be happy. do i not deserve every right to be?