Down Memory Lane

Music has been part of my life for as long as i can remember. I was only 4 when mum sent me to my first music class and i absolutely enjoyed it to bits. And back then, mum would always tell me that i sound like Bonnie Tyler (she sang total eclipse of the heart just in case you don't know) because my voice was really coarse LOL (of course it isn't so now you idiot. haven't you heard me talk?!)

She bought me my first piano then. I still remember that it was brown and Yamaha of course (my all-time favourite brand). In fact, i attended 2 music classes. One was Yamaha-based, the other was ABRSM. I like how the Yamaha music course would always encourage the freedom of expression in our music, how they'd train us in improvisation skills, transposition, hearing, sight reading and singing but because i'm not a perfect pitch person, my teacher Jasmin could never stop yelling at me LOL And how we'd always get to perform on stages for numerous, various occassions! AB on the other hand, it's good in honing one's playing skills. I hate the scales! All the gruelling practices and finger-aching sessions..oh those insufferable moments!

Then i remember my very first Electone Festival. None, including ourselves, in our wildest dreams, would ever think that we could actually make it. And we did. We did!

We called ourselves CML then cause we were a bunch of idiots who couldn't come up with a better name for our group, other than putting our intials together. Yeah, shoot us.

Then, came Senzation. We didn't win (damn pissed off with all the internal politics) but it was another one of those really great times i'd remember forever. Somebody once said "it isn't about what you get at the end, but it's the journey that you take to get there which is all that really matters".

Finally, my last group Le Fort Vague. Maybe it was our choice of song this time. Sigh. Then again, one can never get enough of music in their life. Nonetheless, i love and miss every single bit of it. From all the practices, to perfecting every part of the piece, to making sure all is well, to dressing up, to making Yap look non-sluggish LOL (that guy has no sense of fashion).

If i had photoshop or something, i would've removed the girl in green. Hate her. We all do. Pink panther.

My point is, I seem to have forgotten how much music means to me and that insane passion that i used to have everytime i played my piano. I seem to be so caught up with everything else like school work, to catching up with my latest drama. And because i'm now away from home, it only means that i have to for go my music lessons and even ballet, the two things that i really love doing. It also means less time for practice, in fact no time at all. Mum bought me a Clavi in KL and of course, i'm absolutely grateful and glad and happy and ecstatic and all nuts about it. The thing is everytime i play, i just feel that sudden emptiness within, like there's something missing. I didn't know what that was until i read what huifang said. That we're only playing the piano because we were afraid we'd forget how to play them. We'd forget how to run our fingers up and down the keyboard, we'd forget what C major sounds like, we'd forget how to do an arpeggios, we'd forget how to sight read, we'd forget how to do a thrill, we'd forget what pianoforte is and we'd even forget how a piano would sound. It is sad, but true. I'm merely playing it for the sake of it. There's no feelings in it, there's no purpose in it, and it lacks that will to improve on each piece. I guess now i know what that missing piece is. Don't get me wrong. I still love my black piano a lot. And i love all the pieces of score sheets that i have.

Reading huifang's blog and i saw that picture of us on the keyboards at EF (although it was a hideous pic of me) and watching Camp Rock made me realize how much i miss it and how much it means to me. It was my best friend throughout my early years and it still is now. Just that maybe i misplaced this best friend of mine at the corner of my cupboard but i found it now =)

And as for ballet, i'm still searching for the answer to my question. Maybe it was never meant to happen. Maybe it wasn't my calling no matter how much i loved it. I still do.

Miss wearing my pointe shoe, my soft pointes, my leotard, and everything in between. The only thing i wouldn't miss is doing pirouettes. Hate it.

Time and tide waits for no man. Time traveling seems impossible. Maybe soon. If only someone had invented a time machine. Wouldn't it be great for all of us?