One Step Closer

Just a few random things running through my mind right now:

1. i'm amazed (again!) at how the weekend isn't like a weekend at all

2. it's already Sunday

3. i'm still such a bum

4. 3 summaries and 1 report to finish up. that bloody thing!

5. exam in 2 weeks time - procrastination is the only word in my dictionary

6. still feel stupid and incompetent

7. kara dioguardi's 'strangers and angels' is damn good!

8. my limbs and stomach still ache from friday's yoga class with ho wai and pei

9. i am NOT thinking of the idiot

10. i feel like i'm getting heavier

11. i wished my holidays have started too

12. planning to go to King's College London for electives - pray for me!

13. wondering what's surin bringing back for dinner

14. watched a cinderella's story for the 1000th time last night

15. kar how's starting work tomorrow!

16. andrew graduated already! and i'm sorry i didn't know earlier =(

17. it's been 6 weeks since i last went home

18. no. 17 is an amazing feat! darn proud =)

19. miss mum and dad so much ♥♥♥

20. miss good food back in penang!

21. miss sooi, diana, cat, mei and everyone back home. can't wait to see routheng and cho when they get back!

22. can't wait to be home sweet home =)

I Bruise Easily

Remember the last I let you out
You got hurt
You were bruised
And you never really healed?
Just like every now and then
The edges of water drown you in
And as you suffer the silent consequence
Who knew but that voice that says "i told you so"
You know all that can consume you
And i hope you know what you should do
And i have to keep you safe
Away from the weathering pain
Into that little grey closet
Until you are ready for it again..

The Good Things That Happen

It's the weekend again!

*confetti*

Yes, you might have noticed by now that ever since surgery posting started, i've been only looking forward to the weekends, despite it always being oh-so-very-short-lived. It's not that i don't enjoy surgery, but it's more like i feel the need to relax and rewind and do absolutely nothing at all after the first 3 days of the week because monday tuesday and wednesday are hell-like every other week.

*rolls eyes*

anyways, this week has been pretty fun. thursday was really good!! =D firstly, i managed to follow Prof Ramesh into his paeds clinic at SOPD (surgical ourpatient department) and it was a mind-blowing experience altogether. Learnt alot, saw alot and i just absolutely love kids! There was this little boy who couldn't stop crying because he was just so scared to be examined and all the kicking and punching acts didn't make it any easier to convince him that all that we were gonna do was to just have a look. And even after we took a look at his little tummy, he just refused to be quiet. And me being such an angel and very magical (LOL), took out a packet of biscuits from my utterly heavy labcoat, and gave it to him. My god, the magical touch of a biscuit! =D He just went silent and smiled!!! =) THAT, that that that, just melted my heart...and i asked him if he likes biscuits and he said yes and smiled =) and i asked if he'd eat them and he nodded fervently =D

Sara and i just have this INSANE love for babies and kids. She's more of babies and i'm both. LOL. And today, we went to Obs and Gyn ward 1B with Fen and our eyes just went goo goo the minute we saw the little babies there =) We wanna be preggy too!!! LOL and i wana have babies like NOWWWW!!! =D Sperm donation please??? lolll

then on thursday, me, hw, kw, lams, maya, sara, wawa, and mich drove all the way to kl, to times square to buy KRISPY KREME!! i can assure you they're the best doughnuts you'd ever get and they're wayyyy better than JCo and Big Apple. IMHO, honey glazed is the best! =D




it was hw's crazy little idea to go down and since we didn't have much going on today, we decided we shall take a break from all the madness. and then we went to My Elephant in PJ for thai food. and it was really really good! totally worth every cent. and then we went to this cake shop which served this wonderful layered cakes! the vanilla crepes and strawberry crepes were my favourite! =D take me there again hw!!! just take me!! =D lol

loved thursday =)

today, my cousin sister sent me this:

That's zoe and her little sis =) This, completed my week ♥♥♥♥♥

Love Love Love!

Totally love this vid. Miss watching Centre Stage so much!! And that red leotard and pointes!! Gasp!!!

I Did It My Way

If there is one thing in the world that i hate most, it would be to have someone (or more still, a friend) talking behind my back. well i guess that says a lot about that friend, ain't it?

i know i'm not much of a grown up myself. but i'm sure i ain't that childish either.

you see, that's the problem.

I know i come off as some silly, psychotic, innocent child to a lot of people. (ok, maybe innocent is a bit of an over statement LOL). people just think that i'm some spoiled, pampered, immature girl that they really don't take me seriously most of the time. well, kw called me a toy. "squashable" he says. nice.

*shakes head + rolls eyes*

but beneath that bubbly, cheerful, silly little facade, i know who i am, i know where i come from, i know what i want, and what's more, i know who i want to be.

i don't like to be pushed around. i don't like to be called names. who does anyway. i'm only human. so are we all. respect is a virtue. learn it. practice it.

anyways, i'm glad i got it off my chest. never felt more relieved. and for once, i stood up for myself. i took a chance. i made my statement. and i cannot have been more proud of myself.

He knows..

We had a lot at hand yesterday. went to the hospital at 630 am. 630 am! 630 friggin' am! and i was just talking to cho the night before (after soooooo long!) and i remembered i got really upset over the fact that they go to the hospital at 9am.

*growls*

Anyways, we were really tired the whole day through yesterday. we being me, lams, sara, hw, kw and maya. yes, the car pool gang =) the lack of sleep is really getting to us. no one, i repeat, NO ONE, should ever EVER try not sleeping. seriously. and one main reason why we were all so stressed out yesterday was because we had to cover the whole ward for cp today. and you know it's not always that easy to go up to a patient and start asking him questions while at the same time you try to be nice and add in a little bit of humour every now and then so as to not make you look that mechanical. and they're always sleeping so you obviously can't just wake them up! =( and we had to be on-call that night. ZZzzZ!

so we were all gloomy and glum. and i got this terrible news late in the evening that i swear i could just burn up a whole building. and i just kept swearing and swearing in the car! LOL

and then, a good news came. and it made all the difference in the world. i didn't need to worry about cp today. i needn't stay that long for on-call last night. i could rejoice. i could shriek and scream with joy. and that piece of cloud above our heads for the whole day just disappeared! and the four of us just couldn't stop smiling =) and it's just weird that at that lowest point of my day, things just seem to turn out the other way round. a 180 degrees of change. and i can't thank my lucky stars enough.

*sigh*

so much of drama in our lives.

whoever said doctors have no life?

It Never Ends

Ok..so the last i updated was a week after beginning my surgery posting. so any idiot could've guessed how busy the last week was. not that it's any more relaxing now but i think my blog needs a little bit of an update after all that has happened. not that anything much has happened though LOL. right, tell me i'm rambling...

Well, surgery is.......surgery. lol. it is still as busy. still as tiring. already starting to get bored (nothing seems to please me these days *sigh*). i have survived ward 3A which is a REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT. do ask me why. and now i'm in 3B =) into week 3 of surgery currently, with only 4 more to go, which means i'm a month away from end of posting exams.

*shrieks*

the weekend was a little more enjoyable. all thanks to ho wai =D he invited us to his birthday party at asian heritage row. and the place was great. the food was fabuloso! and the photos can do the talking *grins*


Me and the birthday boy =) love this shot cos it makes me look thin *wheee*

that's just....LOL. me. and my utterly sinful cake.

and everyone =D

case presentation tomorrow. with on-call. yawns! will i ever get enough of rest?! weekends seem to just end in a blink of an eye these days. it's weird. like i had no weekend at all. looking forward to going home already. sigh. in another 4 weeks.

*pouts*

Survivors!

YESSSS!! we survived the first week of surgery! OH MY GOD!! i feel that sense of achievement running through my veins at this very moment. definitely. =)

i only had 3.5 hours of sleep last night. and trust me, i am mentally and physically exhausted and drained that i have a terrible headache now (i think i have cluster headache and maybe tension headache too lol) and that i wish i could just sink into my comfy bed right at this very moment. but of course, i am at the airport right now, waiting to go home! and get all the princess treatment and spa and massage from mum back home =D

i had so much of homework to do last night and was so terrified and nervous about whether or not i would have another panic CP session today so i had to make sure i had my homework done. and there was tbl today! and we had no case to present! but thank god for fen's case =) and there's this whole looooong chapter on testicular/scrotal and inguinal swelling that i have to read off from burkitt's today. sigh!! and i woke up being really grumpy and groggy.. GRRR!

and today!! today was really interesting. again, the patients are the ones that make our day a little more worthwhile and fulfilling. they make me believe that i actually really do enjoy and love doing medicine. and that they're the reason why i'm doing this.

my patient from monday got discharged today and i am feeling so ecstatic for him. he was really sick for the past 3 days and was in so much of pain, depressed and down. and i feel really terrible because all i could do is just to talk to him and try to convince him that everything will be alright. and so after his operation yesterday, he is finally a free man now! =D i have never seen him smile so widely before. and i am really happy. TRULY.

my other patient from monday was admitted again last night. but doc says he could be discharged today too. and we were just talking about everything under the sun, from his girlfriend to his work. and i really enjoyed it. COMPLETELY =)

and oh oh! i saw how the HO set up the central venous pressure (CVP) today! it was tedious! you gotta have the skills! =S and that HO who managed to do it is officially my idol now =DD

loved today. maybe i'm actually starting to like surgery. i think i just might. =)

flight's here! home sweet home!

A Glimpse Into The Future

I think i'd finally know what it feels like to be a house officer or a medical officer in the next 4 years that is to come. i have never felt so much of pain in my legs and such horrible backache! walking up and down the stairs in imu everyday to the hospital really isn't a joke. 5 floors ok!! freaking tiring! my thighs were already aching and my feet already in so much of agony on the first day of my surgery posting. just great. bring in more of 'em please! i'm begging! NOTTT!!

other than being in pain from head to toe and acting like i'm some 80 year old granny, i had my first on-call on monday itself. going to the hospital at night is so much of fun. i mean not that it is fun being on-call, but rather the fact that it ain't so hot and there're less people. =D and it is so much easier talking to the patients during the night cos they're really probably bored. LOL. but i actually really enjoyed it! weird i know! but i think i like being on-call. =D

and today! i had my very first case presentation (CP)! my very first in my entire life. ok. maybe since i started clinical school lah. please do ask me which lecturer i got. =D i am generally quite satisfied with myself =) despite being really nervous =) and do tell me how proud you are of me LOLL =D

and today, we learnt about basic suturing techniques. i think even the lecturer was really frustrated with me. i can't tie a reef knot!! and i feel so dumb. LOL. then again, i don't really fancy instruments. bahh!

plus! i'm going home tomorrow! =D and yes, thank you kw for fetching me there. you know i'd be forever grateful lol.

Goodbye Fam Med, Go Away Surgery!

Exams ended. OSCE was ok. Just ok. Not that i did really well and all. I have no clinical correlation! I just want to pass. That's all i'm ever asking for.

*sobs!* =(

Then we went for Kajang satay! =D


We're all in denial currently. we're all procrastinating over the fact that fam med has officially ended and that we're starting surgery posting tomorrow already.

I DON'T LIKE IT!! I DON'T WANT TO GO!! =(


Bye bye fam med. I will miss you =(

The Papayas And Bananas

You have no idea how embarrassed i was today at the clinic. Sigh.

I was being chased out from the TANDAS PEREMPUAN BY A MANNNN!!!!

Geee i never knew things work the opposite here in seremban.

So my bladder was calling, i dashed into the toilet and looked at each empty cubicle to check out which one was clean. And out comes a malay man, who said to me,

"OI INI TANDAS LELAKI LAHHH!!!"

And i just stoned there. and i'm like WTF??!

I scrambled out quickly after freezing for 5 seconds. I looked at the sign outside the toilet. It says, in RED,

"TANDAS PEREMPUAN"

with the stupid-doll-in-skirt-girl picture laughing mentally at my face.

So i told him,

"eh tidak lah. ini tandas perempuan??!"

"tak lahhh.. ini lelaki!"

And all the aunties passing by had to lend their support to the opposite gender. Betrayer! GRrr!

I hurried to the "actual" tandas perempuan and finished my business. Lams was laughing at me. LOL. So did everyone. =(

I think this only happens to people like me. I have no idea why. Sigh!

Bills Bills Bills

I paid my bills today! =) Me me me me me!

Mum and dad usually do that. So i'm glad/not-so-glad that it's me this time around for my place here in seremban. Teeehee ;)

Sorry it's a little random LOL

The Museum!

I hardly visit my own state's museum. In fact i've only ever been there once in my entire 20 years at home. Even then, it was my kindergarten's day trip to the museum whoohoo! with my little buddies and all =) And i remembered we went to mcdonald's after that LOL. And i took a pic with my dear, dead and old Francis Light =D

Visited our CFCS patient yesterday. Breakfast was at some Mambau Nasi Lemak which apparently was supposed to be really famous and good. I thought it was ok. Penang has better ones LOL. Sorry Ru Fah =P

Then we decided to drop by the museum before visiting our patient's place since it was still rather early. Mannnn...the museum sucked!! It looks really huge from the outside but at the same time, i find it rather empty on the inside. It was plain boring! Thank god there isn't any entrance fees.

I wouldn't visit it the second time round definitely. ZZZzzzZ!

I Love Fam Med! ♥♥♥

Exclude all exams and physical examinations and history takings and all stress-inducing stuff, family medicine is really so much of fun to be in. I am truly, madly and deeply in love with it. It's probably one of those completely relaxing posting one will ever get to be in throughout clinical school. And i'm so grateful to have to be starting with it first.

I enjoy clinic teachings, i enjoy being in the treatment room observing and performing wound dressings, i get a thrill out of being in the dark room of the x-ray department (you literally become blind in there), i enjoy lectures with dr. loh, i LOVE LOVE LOVE school health, i just enjoy the heaps of free time that we get as compared to the others!


That's all of us just before tbl. Love my group!

Lams, Maya, Ho Wai and i went to one of the schools here in seremban the other day and i absolutely enjoyed it. I got to perform immunization for the form3 kids (the boys were such a whimp!!) and i got to do physical examination on them (no scrotal or testes examination ok..) and i just love it!

At the school. The man does not how to take a pic. Tsk!

And that's me drawing on the board the faces of each of us =) I know i look like some lecturer LOL


Fr left to right: Lameena, Crown Princess Me (maya thinks it looked more like a nurses' hat that silly goose LOL), Maya, Yee Wei, Sara, Khine, Aishah, Husna and Su Ping with the Harrison's book =D

These are the boys, fr left to right: Ho Wai our boss, Kah Weng (note his scruffy, unkempt hair: he doesn't comb them), Sundar (the bangla lorry man from nepal who has exolphthalmus LOLL), Kim Long, Jeremy and Firdaus!


That's me with Ru Fah's car. LOL.

It's all coming to an end soon. Another 3 more weeks including this week. Sad!! Next would be surgery. Wish it never have to end! I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Fam Med!

Dumb And Dumber

i am depressed. i am suicidal. i am disappointed. i am mad. i am raging. i am furious. i am angry. i am sad. i am tearing. i am breaking. i am crumbling. i am losing myself. i am stupid. i am dumb.

i honestly do think that this is all too good for me. that i do not deserve to be here. i am below par. i am terrible at what i do. i do not know if i am competent enough. i do not know if i'd make it through.

i don't know if i'd be a good doctor.

Say No To Cats!

Yeah i yelled, screamed, shrieked or however you want to describe it, at the canteen the other day ALL BECAUSE OF A CAT.

I HATE CATS. HATE HATE HATE HATE. There aren't any particular reasons to it, but they just annoy me and they're disgusting and dirty and the fact that they purrrrr and brush your legs with their idiotic tail. STUPID FUGLY CATS.

And of course, that screaming session propelled me to stardom among my batchmates as the cat woman. Great. As if i need anymore of that. Sigh.

Shut up Shut up Shut up!

If i could just delve into your numb skull and read what you're thinking.

You stupid, dumb, idiotic, monkey, donkey!

Life would've been so much easier and less complicated.

Joke Of The Day

Firstly, i'm glad KW, KL and i found our CFCS patient. Phew! So relieved! =) I just hope she's the right one. She's a funny little aunty, with an absolutely crazy family. LOL. Hope all is well. The process of searching for a patient has been gruesome, but it's been made a lot easier cos i have 2 male partners with me! =D Yay! that means i get to bully them and all, make them do the introduction (cos they're always the same = "hi aunty, we're medical students. is it ok for us to ask you some questions?") I get to skip that part and go directly into question time! *evil laughter* I'd always be the one that says "Go Kim Long" or "Go Kah Weng". MUAHAHA!

Anyways, today, i have to say, is one of the better days (or at least for me) in my family medicine posting, despite having to leave the house at 7am. Teaching clinic this morning was alright too. Definitely a handful to digest and a mountain's worth of revision of all the little things i've forgotten.

But but but, the afternoon was great! Or at least, it's been enjoyable. Dr. Loh was showing us tonnes of slides on the common clinical signs and symptoms seen in primary care. And and and, he talked to us also on the four most common parasites within the orang asli community in Msia. He drew out a table, listed down each complication and he drew the morphology of each's ova. Then he asked us (this is the funniest part LOLLLLL!!!),

"What's the difference between an ova and a cyst?"

So after much thought, Sara said,

"Cyst is for asexual reproduction and ova's for sexual"

And he said,

"MMmm, yes correct. Cyst is for asexual repro in a protozoa"

And then he continued,

"You know last time i asked your seniors this question, you know what they answer me ah?"

And we're like "what what what?!"

"They said ova is anything that's oval lorrr and cyst is anything that's round wannn"

And we burst out laughing!!!! Particularly me and Sara. HAHAHHAHAHA!!! Then he continued,

"That's why ah, you all don't think properly before you answer you know. If like that, so you don't say 'i wana play football lah', just say 'i wana play cyst!' "

LOLLLLL

"Or next time, if you see the moon, don't say 'wahh the moon', just say 'wahhhh cystttt!!!!' "

MORE LAUGHTERS!!

"And when you play rugby, it's not rugby anymore. It's 'play ova!!!' "

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

I swear to god me and sara laughed till we peed in our pants!!

Then i remembered Kah Weng's face in his old id card, it was really round. So i said

"Kah Weng, you used to look like a cystttt!!!" LOLLLL

Damn funny lahhhhh!!!

And he definitely needs extra art classes that boy. He drew the trichuris ova (which was supposed to look barrel-like) like a sausage!!! LOL and then, it became a flying saucer....

HAHAHAHHAHA!!

Oh oh oh! and today, is one day the 15 of us shall remember. Those in Fam Med now, you have to know what i mean really. Today in history, is a Oh My God day. LOL

Enough of laughing. I have to get back to my work. Sigh! Time flies. It really does *sinks to the back of my chair*

Toodles!

CFCS!

From wards to klinik kesihatan, to and fro, up and down the stairs for almost 10 times, being tired from head to toe, exhausted and on the brink of giving up; that explains how my day was. I think the three of us have this really bad luck going on honestly. Every other people have found their patient and we're still going back and forth.

It isn't all that difficult to get one ideal patient that i can follow up on for 2 years, or is it??!!

This whole thing is mentally damaging to us and i swear Kah Weng and i look schizophrenic or psychotic today. Kim Long just looks..........dead. LOL

HELPPPPPP!!!! anyone, everyone, please pray for me!!!!!

When The Going Gets Tough

To all my faithful readers (if there are any at all), i am utterly sorry for being missing in action for almost a month already. Life has gotten tougher, nobody said it was ever easy anyway. And i have currently moved out of KL, although occasionally i tend to check into free rooms in Country Heights Kajang or Bukit OUG Condominium =D. I am now officially in Seremban. Yes, that god forsaken place in this god forsaken country. The holidays have ended about 3 weeks ago, and i really should be all geared up and feeling much more enthusiastic than i am right now because clinical phase is supposed to be one of those really wonderful and exciting years in your medical student days. Unfortunately, i am feeling neither of that and i'm still trap in my life-at-home-with-absolute-freedom-and-nothingness-oh-its-so-much-fun days. Maybe i just wish that i'd be able to bend time and space that i could always go back to when i needn't feel tired and exhausted every other single day.

So Seremban...As if you don't already know, it's a dead town. There aren't any entertainment outlets, no shopping malls and no great places to eat. The only happening and exciting place where you see life and people is Jusco which is like 25 mins from where i stay. I am not joking. There are only 3 cinemas, one GSC in a terrible building you wouldn't even bother visiting, one MBO with only 4 ppl at one time in the theatre and another GSC in Jusco and ALL of them air movies like Sayang, Jin Cinta (or whatever shit), Sex Drive, Dragonball, Eden Lake, Watchmen and some other horrendous malay movie. Yes, there aren't any Slumdog Millionaire or Marley and Me or Jonas Brothers or Tale of Despereaux or all other hit movies in town now. I am deeply saddened.

My house currently is a double storey, rental is cheap, it's next to Ho Wai's, Ming Hui's and Lip Jeen's and 1 minute away from Yilin, Pei, Kah Weng and Geng Yi. There are roaches, lizards and ants and mosquitoes everywhere. And a moronic dog that rummages our garbage chute. Great. The roach gave me one horrible sleepness night one of the days. From then on, i swear to god i'd never open my window and the door is closed 24/7, i bought doorsealers, roach and lizard traps, 2 sprays and i said to myself that i'd rather die of suffocation than have roaches in my room ever again. SWEAR!!!

And yes, i do have a car now. It's my be-earlied birthday gift from mum, my orange little myvi =) Stop envying me and the fact that it's an auto with a power steering *grins*. And and and, i drive with absolute grace and have never misstep on the accelerator instead of the breaks (i have once at home, but never to the extend of hitting any cars, aherm you know who you are). Speaking of which, seremban drivers are rude, impatient and unethical. And we call Penang drivers mad. Look at the mad ones now.

Orientation was boring, if not for the fact that we have an orientation night which was ok. First week of Family Medicine and we're already feeling bored and tired for no reasons. I look at those who're first posted in Surgery and Internal Med and of course i get freaked out cos they're always stressed, always pressing for time, always busy with wards and TBLs and always feeling terrified. I'm glad me and Lams got Fam Med as our first posting because at least i'd have some time to adjust to this terribly humid place with no life and whatsoever.

Kim Long, Kah Weng and i were looking for our CFCS patients yesterday, and one of our patient had 3 grandchildren with him. They kissed my cheek goodbye! =D That, completely made my day. We're still looking for a really suitable patient and unfortunately luck isn't on our side yet. We only have tomorrow left. Sigh. And i have my research project which i need to figure out. Tired!!!

You know, i think they're right. The patients are the ones that will make our day a little more bearable and a little more fulfilling. I'm looking forward to when my patient comes up to me and says "thank you, doc". Of course, that is if i ever make it through my final 2.5 years here. I'm already half way there. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.